In 2019, it was found that over one-third of Malaysian women have been harassed or assaulted. In collaboration with IRL asked women in Malaysia about their stories. These are these woman’s story from their perspectives:
I was working as a part-timer in a retail store for a couple of months. One day, I had a morning shift with just my manager. A guy came in and since my manager was occupied, I attended to him.
He asked me, “Are you a foreigner or a local?”
I thought he was a customer and I didn’t see any red flags, so I continued to chat with him.
The conversation was going well…until he started complimenting me, calling me “beautiful” and “sexy”.
I started getting quite uncomfortable, now that I knew he had other motives that did not involve buying anything from the store.
So I walked away, but he did not pick up this sign that I was not interested. Instead, he kept on following me around the store. I tried to avoid him a few times, but he tagged along, pestering me with questions about myself.
At one point, I approached my manager, hoping she could tell him to leave. However, she was not aware of the situation, so she just stared at both of us with a very confused look. Eventually, she went up to him and asked if he needed help.
He replied with a yes and pointed towards me. My manager was nonplussed and responded, “Yes, she can help.”
I wanted to tell her what his intentions were, but I didn’t know how to say it when he was standing right there within earshot.
Since he was a foreigner, I took a chance that he didn’t speak Malay and told her, “Dia tak mahu beli barang.” (“He doesn’t want to buy anything.”)
“She’s exactly the type of girl I want.”
But my manager still could not pick up on what was happening. Before I could further explain things to her, he interrupted.
He said, “She’s exactly the type of girl I want, why is she not talking to me? Does she not know English?”
My manager looked at me and finally noticed my discomfort. But instead of standing up for me, she just laughed and dismissed him. To her, this was just a common occurrence in the store. She carried on doing her other tasks.
With no other choice, I went to the counter so that he could not get near me. He asked me for paper and pen, then he wrote his number and said, “Call me.”
I got very annoyed. Straight to his face, I said: “No, I am not going to call you.”
He completely ignored it and asked if I wanted to go for breakfast. Again I replied, “No, I am working.”
He ignored me again. But this time he took out RM 500 from his pocket, threw it on the counter and said, “Go get yourself food. I’ll be back in an hour and we can go for lunch,” I was completely floored. I walked away from him and he just took it back and left.
That was my first ever encounter with him.
He came to the store for 2-3 months to harass me
Since then, for 2-3 months, he would come to the store every other day to find me.
Most of my coworkers started to notice; he would even go to the store when I am not working just to look for me.
He completely ignored the fact that I was uninterested despite my attempts to avoid him. I came up with lies like, “I have a boyfriend,” but in response, he would say, “It will be between us, your boyfriend does not need to know.”
There were times he would even try to convince me to go to his house by offering me money.
I had no peace at work. Even during my break, I would go to restaurants nearby and he would be there, waiting for me. He’d come and sit next to me while I had my lunch. I pretended not to notice him by being on my phone, but the whole time I was anxious and couldn’t concentrate on my food.
I started going to lunch at the most unknown restaurants. They would not taste good or even have a WiFi signal in there but it was way better than having him around.
I usually take the train home from work. He somehow found that out and would wait for me and walk me to the train station.
After he did that, I had to start taking different routes to the train stations just to avoid him.
The day that he grabbed my arm, I realised he was dangerous
Once, I was closing up shop with a coworker that did not know about him. She was in the backroom and could not see what was happening.
I saw him approaching the shop, and as if it was a routine, I positioned myself behind the counter so that there would be a barrier between us and he would not be able to come close to me.
He came in and then started saying what he would always say, “I live opposite here, you can come over anytime.”
As usual, I just refused him.
But that day, everything changed.
Reaching over the counter, he grabbed hold of my hand tightly and started pulling me around from behind the counter. Holding my hand, he started dragging me out of the store.
I resisted and started saying ‘no’ more loudly. At this point, I was starting to freak out, because I had no idea what he was planning to do to me.
Hearing my shouts, my coworker came out from the back room.
She saw what was happening and her eyes widened. “What are you doing? Let go of her hand! I’m going to call the guard!’ She kept threatening to call security, so he reluctantly released me.
The moment he let go, I ran to the back of the store, shaking, while my coworker continued to berate him.
According to my coworker, she told the guy that I was married. After that, he stopped coming for a week. I thought that was the end of that. For some reason, I went back to the shop, thinking he was gone.
But a week later, I saw his face again at the store. I realised that there was nothing I could do that will make him understand that I do not want to associate with him.
The only solution I had was to quit my job
Looking back, I should have made a police report, but I did not want this issue to be dragged out any further. I just wanted it to be over.
Another reason I didn’t report it is because I thought his actions would not be considered illegal in Malaysia.
Now I still feel anxious when I go to the mall I was working in, because of the thought that I might bump into him there.
Sometimes I get worried, thinking: “What if he finds me on social media and stalks my whereabouts?” There’s nothing I can do about it because technically, he wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.
As a woman, this is how it’s like being harassed by a man who won’t take no for an answer.
I hope society can change so that men like this won’t think this is acceptable behaviour.
For more stories like this, read: My Boss Touched Me Inappropriately And Tried To Kiss Me Even After I Said No and Men, No Always Means No. Here’s My Experience of Being a Woman in Malaysia
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