This is the personal story of a Malaysian woman who discovered that her husband used to be a sex worker and what she should do next.
I just got married, and this month we’re coming up to our eighth month as husband and wife. They say that the honeymoon period lasts about 6 months and then everything goes downhill from there. I just didn’t expect that things would unravel so quickly.
In the beginning everything was like a fairytale. He was the perfect husband. Loving, attentive and a provider for the family. What more could a woman ask for?
Then everything changed overnight when I borrowed his laptop.
I borrowed my husband’s laptop while he wasn’t home
My husband wasn’t home and I needed to pay the internet bill. Unfortunately my laptop was having some issues so I borrowed his instead.
I thought to myself, it would only take a few minutes and I’m sure he won’t mind.
As soon as I turned on the laptop, a wave of notifications started flooding in.
At first, I ignored them out of respect for my husband’s privacy, but there was one particular notification that kept coming up again and again. It was from the Telegram app and the username was a woman’s.
Eventually, curiosity got the better of me and I clicked on it. Judge me all you want, but any wife in my situation would have done the same.
At first I thought it was something work related. In the messages, this woman was saying something about content collaboration and asking my husband when he was available.
I was so confused, was my husband doing YouTube stuff in his spare time? But if he were I’m sure I would have found out about it during the many years when we were dating. He must be pretty big too if he’s doing collaborations with other people.
My thoughts started to spiral out of control with more and more questions. I couldn’t let it go. I had to find out what this woman wanted from my husband.
I discovered the truth about my husband
And so I went into his Telegram chats.
To my shock, there were about three channels worth of adult content in there. At first I tried to rationalise it, my husband did mention before we got married that he was trying to quit.
Besides, it’s normal for men to watch porn. But it’s not normal if they’re starring in it.
It was like watching CCTV footage of an accident. You know something horrific is going to happen, but for some reason you can’t help but keep on watching.
I went through at least a dozen folders. Photo after photo, video after video. There was no denying it.
It was my husband, having sex with different women.
And that’s how I found out that my husband was offering sexual services on Twitter and Telegram.
Only God knows how brokenhearted I felt at that moment. The husband whom I admired, loved, and considered my best friend was not the man I thought he was.
I saw that the last video he sent was a month before our marriage. That means he had been inactive in those channels for several months. Thank God he wasn’t doing this while we were married…I guess?
I don’t know how to face him any more
I’m still not over the initial shock and trying to process this. How is someone in my position supposed to respond to this?
Some might say, “Everyone has a past and you should accept them for it if you love them.”
Easier said than done – they’re not the ones that have to wrestle with the image of my husband having casual sex with multiple women.
How long has this been going on? And does he intend to go back to this ‘lifestyle’? Is that why he didn’t delete his old chat groups and contacts?
I suppose these are the questions that I should be asking him. But to be honest, I’m not ready for that conversation.
I suppose as his wife, I should forgive him, but I need time to digest the situation. Time to heal from the betrayal.
Since the revelation, I’ve been pretty distant from him. He tries to initiate conversations with me but I just come up with excuses to avoid him. I think he knows that I know.
On days when I’m not feeling anger and resentment towards him, I feel how unfair this is for me. Why is this happening to me?
I’m far from perfect as a woman. But I’ve always strived to uphold my dignity, knowing that my body is solely meant for my husband. Is it too much to expect the same from him?
There is a saying that “Good women are meant for good men.”
When I got married, I really went into it with such high hopes that if I did everything right, I would deserve a husband who would respect me and do the same.
Every day, I fantasised about the family we would build and what life would be like when we were older and retired.
Now I want to throw everything away and start over with a husband without such a torrid past.
Am I being naive? Should I forgive him instead? What would you do if you were in my situation?
After she shared this story on Twitter, netizens replied with their perspectives and opinions:
1. @ragedmom says: “This is a test from God.”
Twitter user ragedmom shared: “I can understand her shock and disappointment. But this is a test, you have to trust that God has a plan for bringing you both together. Accept him for who he is and pray that he repents from his past sins. God will reward your patience in the underlife.”
2. @the_azreport says: “The husband is the imam and head of the family.”
Twitter user the_azreport shared: “Why are people suggesting that the wife should guide her husband to change? Hmmm. Anyone who is married will know how hard it is to change a man. HE should be the one to guide. The husband is the imam and head of the family. In this situation, the wife will give up. I pray for the best for them.”
3. @naalgazali says: “Why is he still keeping it?”
Twitter user naalgazali shared: “Not to be toxic but if he really wanted to change, the first thing he would do is to get rid of everything. All the channels and chat history. Why is he still keeping it? I hope things get better for you. Pray that your husband changes his ways.”
4. @aqilah_alhusna says: “I would find it hard to trust him.”
Twitter user aqilah_alhusna shared: “Even if the guy said he’ll change, as an outsider I would find it hard to trust him. Not to be pessimistic, but a month before marriage? That’s definitely something.”
5. @soulofmind3 says: “This will last for a lifetime.”
Twitter user soulofmind3 shared: “Trust me, this will last for a lifetime. Either the wife will keep bringing it up or the husband will cheat again. She’ll never forget all the things that he has done. If the marriage is to go on she will have to be strong. These things are not easy.”
Should this woman divorce or forgive her husband? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Read more stories on In Real Life Malaysia:
My Pilot Fiancé & I Dated For 10 Years But He Confessed To Cheating 2 Months Before Our Wedding
Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
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