Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
This story is about a woman who created an OnlyFans account and in the process regained her sense of self-worth after a painful breakup.
Hi, my name is Roxxy, and I am an Onlyfans creator.
When I tell someone I am an Onlyfans creator, they usually assume that I am only in it for the money.
Yes, the money is one of the biggest perks – but my reason for selling pictures in Onlyfans is completely personal.
I was in a serious relationship with a guy who later turned out to be very insecure and controlling.
After a few weeks of us becoming official, he would voice his ‘concerns’ (more like unsolicited opinions) on what I should wear when we go out together, what I should post on social media, and even who I should be friends with.
He even criticized my TikToks saying there were sexually-charged comments from other men watching my videos. He would say things like, “For your own safety, shouldn’t you cover up?” or “It’s disrespectful to our relationship when other men comment or like your videos.”
I’d admit, the comments did make me feel uncomfortable as well. But how is it my fault when I was just trying to have a good time?
Eventually, I stopped to keep the peace within the relationship. We did do a couple of TikToks together as a couple, but it just wasn’t the same.
I caught my boyfriend cheating on me
One day, I got a message from my friend asking if my boyfriend and I had broken up.
I replied “No? Why?” She replied, “I was on Tinder, guess who’s on it?” And she sent me a screenshot of my boyfriend’s Tinder account.
A screenshot of my boyfriend’s Tinder account.
So I called her on Facetime, and talked about what we should do about it. She suggested that we play out this scenario to see if he really was active on it or not. She swiped right on him and to my horror, they matched.
He started texting and flirting with her, and even asked her out on a date! That’s when I had to face the truth, my boyfriend was cheating on me.
I confronted my boyfriend
I called him up and told him to come over. He knew something was up with my tone, but I didn’t tell him what it was about.
When I showed him the screenshots, his jaw dropped and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
I demanded that he pull out his phone. He tried to refuse, saying he loved me and would never do such things.
When I stood my ground and insisted on seeing his phone, he gave up trying to argue and unlocked it.
As I went through the phone, my heart sank. His DMs were filled with him messaging not just my friend, but dozens of girls.
The whole time I was doing this, he started to cry and kept saying over and over about how he loves me and that this was a mistake.
Seeing him shed real tears almost made me forgive him. I thought to myself, ‘Maybe he does regret it and is afraid of losing me now.’
But then I asked him “Why? Why cheat on me?”
My boyfriend said, “You’ve gained some weight since we started dating, I lost attraction to you.”
Hearing these words coming from my own boyfriend was heartbreaking.
I know I am not the prettiest person out there, especially compared to some micro-influencers on Instagram.
To be honest, he completely broke my self-esteem. His words knocked off the rose-tinted glasses I was wearing, and I finally saw clearly for the first time: He did not deserve me.
I kicked him out of my house, and then proceeded to cry my eyes out for days.
It was 3 weeks after I had been crying about my appearance. I looked in the mirror, pulled myself together and said, “Enough. From now on, I will think only good thoughts.”
I started working out to help me love myself. I did planks, I began eating more clean and cutting down on sugary drinks. It was extremely hard, but even after just one week, I could see changes in my body. With each passing day, I regained confidence in myself.
One day, I was scrolling through my Instagram when I stumbled upon a TikTok. I remembered the joy I had making and posting them, even if some still made me cringe.
I decided to try OnlyFans
I started posting TikToks again, and soon got more followers and DMs on Instagram. It felt nice knowing that there were people out there who actually found me attractive, unlike my BF.
Most were the usual thirsty comments – either sexualising me, or flattering me with compliments – but there were a few that stood out to me: The ones asking if I have an OnlyFans account, or telling me I should have one.
As petty as it might be, part of the reason I got back on TikTok was to take revenge on my ex-boyfriend. I wanted him to see my videos, to know that I’m getting all the attention he had been uncomfortable with.
So I started doing more research about Onlyfans and how it works.
Apparently, all you need to do is sign up with your email address, put up a display picture, key in your banking or e-wallet details, and you can start uploading videos.
I already had a following on social media, so it wasn’t going to be hard to make money out of it. But I was still nervous.
I thought about it every day for weeks before I said, “Screw it” and opened an account.
I started making money in the first 7 days
I honestly didn’t expect to be making money almost immediately. Honestly, I did not think anyone would subscribe at all.
I was very shy at first, so I would take pictures in lingerie, bouncing on a bed or wearing white clothes and stand under the showers.
Eventually, I started getting more comfortable being more revealing in front of the camera. To make it more professional, I would set up my room with candles and lights for a better aesthetic and set the mood for me.
And people subscribed, which gave me a real confidence boost in my body. One thing I learnt early on is that you have to learn how to let go and be confident in yourself. On days when I’m not feeling it, I don’t force myself to put on my makeup and pose.
After I started promoting it on Twitter, more people started subscribing, and my income skyrocketed.
I wish I started my Onlyfans account sooner
People always have an issue with someone doing OnlyFans. They’d think of me as a disgrace or they’d be slut shaming me.
But the same people don’t have an issue with the constant sexualisation of women in media, TV shows, and movies.
As a woman, I am constantly sexualised by people anyway – on the street, at the workplace, by male friends and male strangers alike – so what’s wrong if I earn money from it?
Why is it that, now that women have the choice to profit over it, suddenly it’s bad?
It was an empowering experience for me
For me personally, taking control of my sexuality is empowering and makes me feel so confident in my own body.
It’s funny how all this started as a way to throw my ex’s opinion back in his face, but in the end, I netted a tidy profit from it and felt so empowered at the same time.
I hope he’s seen my Twitter and seen how well I am doing because of something he insulted me about – my body.
My experience on OnlyFans made me realize I am beautiful and hot, no matter who disagrees with me. Despite still having some excess fat here and there on my body, I am still beautiful.
I can honestly say I have no regrets.
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Also read: I Earn RM15,000 Monthly as a Designer After Teachers Said I’d Have No Future
I Earn RM15,000 Monthly as a Designer After Teachers Said I’d Have No Future
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