This story is about a woman who shares how her 30-year-old brother doesn’t take responsibility for raising his own son, leaving it to his parents to do so while he stays rent-free in the family home.
I have a brother. He’s 30 this year.
Never paid a single bill in his life, never lifted a finger to help around the house. My mother still serves him his meals like he’s some kind of king—rice and dishes all laid out nicely in front of him. And when he’s done? He just gets up and walks away. Doesn’t clean up, doesn’t wash. Just goes straight to his room and plays his game like he’s always done.
He has a bad temper. Since young, we were all taught to give in. I remember my mother telling us – “Don’t provoke him, don’t upset him. It’s easier that way.” So I learned to keep my distance, avoid the fights that would happen if I tried to speak up.
My parents worked hard all their lives to provide for five kids. We didn’t have much—eating out was a luxury, time together was rare. They weren’t well-educated or rich, but they did everything they could to give us a roof over our heads. For that, I am grateful.
Four out of five of us have moved out now. We work hard, chip in for our parents, make sure the bills are paid, make sure they have enough for food and necessities. They are retired now, and they need the support. But him? The one still living in that house? He pays nothing.
But him? The one still living in that house? He pays nothing.
And on top of that, he brought in another mouth to feed—a Vietnamese girl he got pregnant. My father, an old man, now has to shuttle her back and forth to the embassy, sort out her visa, and prepare marriage documents. When she has doctor’s appointments, my father takes her. Because my brother “has to work.”
I pity her. She has to live with his temper. I’ve seen them fight, seen her pack up and leave, only to come back again. And in the middle of it all, my parents, old and exhausted, are taking the brunt of their problems.
When I first found out about the pregnancy, I objected. I knew they wouldn’t last. I knew he wasn’t ready to be a father. But when I spoke up, I was the bad guy. Everyone else welcomed the baby. So now, when the inevitable problems come, my parents don’t come to me for help. They go to my other siblings instead.
And guess what? My other siblings, the ones who already have their own kids to take care of, are now sending money home when my parents struggle to cover expenses. Because of him.
My mother, for all her love and protectiveness, is blind to how much he is hurting them. He does nothing for them, and yet they shield him.
He does nothing for them, and yet they shield him.
One day, I snapped. I told him straight—I was done watching him dump all his responsibilities on our parents while he sat there like a boss. If he was serious about raising this baby, he needed to get his own place, step up, and stop being a burden.
He lost it. Started shouting, saying I should mind my own business, that it wasn’t my place to tell him how to live his life.
We were screaming at each other when my parents stepped in, trying to cool things down. Later, my mother pulled me aside. “Don’t push him too hard,” she warned me. “If he gets angry and leaves her, who’s going to be a father to the baby?”
That was the moment I gave up. Since that day, I stopped talking to my brother completely. I go about my life, and he goes about his. But every time I see my parents—tired, worn down, struggling under the weight of a burden that isn’t theirs to bear—the anger creeps in again.
I’ve started thinking about cutting ties. Because I don’t want to be a part of this anymore. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to be dragged into the mess he created.
I’ve seen too many broken families. I’ve seen too many kids suffer because their parents weren’t ready. And yet, when I spoke up, they called it “fate.”
This is not fate. This is irresponsibility.
Fate?
No. This is not fate. This is irresponsibility. Selfishness at worst.
Now my mother is the one raising the baby. My father is the one paying for the baby. And my brother? The one who created this life? He has done nothing.
Please, if you are not ready, if you do not have the means, do not bring a child into this world to struggle alongside you. Struggle alone if you must. But don’t make an innocent baby – or your family – pay for your mistakes.
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