Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
In light of the recent viral Facebook post by Public Health Malaysia where they address the direct relevance of a man’s stress with how much money their partners make, I would like to dive into the ridiculousness of such statement.
In this article, I will share with you my POV as my fiancée earns more than me.
I met my now fiancée during the lowest point of my life, during a pandemic and while I’m looking for a new job, in a totally new field. Luckily for me, my partner has faith in my potential and is very understanding considering how badly affected everyone is by this pandemic.
My POV – Modern, Equal Times
From my upbringing and perhaps the network of women I am exposed to, seeing women climbing the corporate ladder or managing a business venture is a common phenomenon.
For example, many women nowadays are managers for big firms and running their own businesses. Why would women not be able to do whatever men can do?
I am more weirded out when I hear someone’s wife being a stay at home mom rather than going to work. But then again, we all grew up in different backgrounds and circumstances.
Understanding Why Some Men Can’t Handle It
Certain society paints a picture of the man being the ultimate breadwinner, and the women support whatever he does. The guy is the star player, and the woman is the backup. Although we like to think that this is a thing in the past, some cultures still validate this thinking.
If a wife ever progresses her career or finances to the point that she outperforms her man, the man has three solutions to this situation:
- Improve himself, so he makes more than his woman (let’s face it; this is a lot of work).
- Put a stop to whatever she’s doing, never to progress more than him (this is easier to do than the #1).
- Come to accept that it’s OK for her to advance better than him and support her in pursuing her personal goals (not all men can handle their ego, unfortunately).
Men who don’t allow their women to progress in education or work for the sole reason that the men can’t handle earning less is ridiculous. Imagine that a woman somewhere out there is prevented from being the next Oprah or Marie Curie, simply because her partner doesn’t allow her to.
In my case, I took route #3, and here’s how we handle our lives together:
How We Split the Bills
Despite her earning more than me, I still do my part of being the ‘guy’ or ‘future husband’ in the relationship:
- I pay for our home & all the bills, but she covers our groceries.
- She will do 90% of the cooking, and I’ll do 95% of the cleaning around the house.
- We typically split the bills when we go out, but I usually don’t ask her to pay her half unless I feel like I’ve been paying for our meals too many times consecutively (maybe 2 or 3 times in a row).
- We both pay for our own cars, but since her car is nicer than mine, we use her car to go on long trips.
- Occasionally, she treats me on stuff I don’t spend on my own, like new clothes and going out to fancy places, which is nice.
- At the moment, I do not give my fiance any cash, but in traditional Muslim culture, it will be expected that I have to give my wife some cash allowance (I need to readjust my budget once we’re married).
What Having a Richer Partner Has Taught Me
My fiance teaches me a lot about enjoying luxuries in life. Something I’ve refrained myself from enjoying on the logic that it’s a waste of money. But once I’ve been exposed to selected luxuries, I see their benefits:
- High-quality clothes: Look and feel confident
- Non-budget vehicle: Our bodies do not feel tired after a long trip
- Luxurious soaps: One of the best way to unwind after a tough day at work
- Fancy restaurants: I get more cultured and exposed to other people’s food and culture
- Fancy spas & massages: Once in a while, to reset our stress levels so we can achieve more
Summing Up
As my fiancée progresses in her career, it motivates me to also work on mine & my side business venture. I don’t think anybody finds their partner who has given up or stagnant attractive.
She can see that I am striving to be a better person career and money-wise, and maybe one day make more than her (I am somewhat competitive).
As I get hooked on the benefits of luxury items mentioned above, it motivates me to think of ways to earn more to afford all these regularly to reward myself and my family.
So fellas, don’t feel intimidated if your partner makes more than you. I hope my sharing has helped to inspire other people in similar situations as us.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on the 4th of January 2021, and has since been updated in light of the recent Facebook post by Public Health Malaysia.
For more stories like this, read: Are Malaysian Men Intimidated by a Confident Woman? and Here’s Why We Do Want To Get Married – Sincerely, Millenial Men
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