The media has said many things about gaming over the past 20 years. They said a lot of interesting but ultimately unfounded, stupid things. The main ones are that gaming is addictive and, of course, the classic: Gaming makes people violent.
I should know. I work in game development. I have memorized the research studies that support those claims; I know the academic journals that refute the claims. I know all the media stories that blame gaming as the root cause of violence, going back to the Columbine Massacre on April 20, 1999.
But this is the story of “Hex_Ling,” or rather “Hex’s” story, and how gaming saved her life and those of her bullying coworkers.
Here is her story:
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
She called me via Discord that fateful afternoon, asking if I was free to play. It was a public holiday, and I was home, so I said sure and logged in. We played and caught up a little. As we talked and I knew something was wrong.
We were in a team fight (about 15-20 of us from the same guild) against one of the tougher boss enemies in the game. Hex made a gameplay mistake, and that was the beginning of the end. Sure enough, we were defeated.
It’s Part Of The game. These Things Happen.
She suddenly burst into tears on Discord and dropped out of the game. She cried, and I listened, as did everyone else, as it all came out between hiccups and tears that she was so depressed and sad and angry.
That she wanted to take her own life.
That she wanted to take the lives of her bullying coworkers.
That she dreamed of taking their lives with a knife so that they could feel some of the pain they had caused her before they died.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
What stopped her? The game.
Online she was one of us. She had friends and people who could talk to each other and hang out online, the way other people just lepak at the Mamak. There were no snide remarks, gaslighting, bullying, or teasing. We made sure our guild was a safe space.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
She could come home, log in, and be in control. She could create a perfect world within the game and its rules. It was a place where words or actions could hurt no one. Her life’s problems faded away for a while, and she could be safe and happy.
Now the misery of her job and work had invaded that and taken away her sanctuary. She told us that before noticing that I was online, she was sitting at her computer holding the kitchen knife, ready to make a fatal cut “along and not across” her wrists.
She decided not to, so she could play one last time and say her goodbyes to her real friends – even those she had never met in real life. That way, when she logged out and took her own life, “I could feel… something… like happiness.”
Hex_Ling’s Story
Hex’s life has not been good. Her mother is deadbeat-of-the-year and gone from her life. Her father has been supportive and does his best, but being a single parent for a daughter with ADHD is challenging.
Hex has been on her own since she was 12. Academically, her ADHD lets her hyperfocus, making her a diligent, hardworking student who earned a full scholarship to study. She worked part-time while studying and graduated with First Class Honors.
She was always quiet and shy, making her an easy target for a ‘boss bully’, who was psychologically and verbally abusive. It was her first job, which started in October of 2021.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
Yet, on Nuzul-Qu’ran (2022)earlier this year, Hex chose to end her own life.
Getting Her Help
I dropped everything. I was at her place within the hour and stayed with her, and carefully convinced her to get some help at PPUM. We sat together in the strangely, nearly empty waiting room, and then I had to sit in the corner of the consultation room, headphones in my ears. Hex didn’t want me to hear anything but, at the same time, didn’t want to be alone.
“Hex confessed everything to the therapist on duty. She explained how she was bullied and gaslit at work constantly. She hated her job because of the toxic work environment. She wanted to leave but couldn’t find another job, even though she had been looking for three months.”
She didn’t know what to do, and she’d given up hope of things getting better. As it all came pouring out of her, her tears gradually dried, and she started to calm down. The urge to kill her bullying coworkers, her boss, and herself, faded.
She started medication that day. And she saw her assigned therapist again on Friday of that week. She has bi-weekly appointments for two months booked, and then they would reassess how to proceed.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
How We Met
We met for the first time in an online massively multiplayer online roleplaying game (MMORPG). We played, got to know each other, and she invited me to join her guild. It was a small but tight-knit group of friends named “Teh Tarik Guild.”
We have met a few times in person over the years between the many lockdowns and MCOs for coffee and cake.
Our Turn.
Within the guild, all of us knew what had happened after all, but I was worried about how those who heard her meltdown and tear-filled confession. What would the guild itself do?
There was a private message waiting for me for a mandatory meeting on Discord for everyone who had heard her confession, except for Hex. I attended that meeting, bracing for the worst of the worst, already wondering what I should do.
The Guild Master “Vorse” made it perfectly clear what he expected from EACH of us: “Hex was here when this guild was just three people. We were still using Skype and MSN Messenger to play together. She recruited half of you and has been a guide and mentor to all of us. Hex needs us. It is our turn. Don’t let her down. Don’t let us down.”
Friends First
We are friends first, gamers second.
There was some timetabling, and then we were on rotating shifts so that someone was always on Discord, in our Guild chat just in case Hex needs someone to lend an ear or a virtual hug.
Everyone in the Guild sent her a message of support or quiet words of affirmation. It was staggered, just one or two people each day.
All of us want her to know that we’re here and to support and help her get better. But we also respected her need for space and privacy to process everything.
The members of the Guild in Selangor have arranged a meet-up – about once a month: Just three or four of us, over coffee and cake in a quiet cat-cafe we know in TTDI.
Next time we meet, the plan is to go cuddle Huskies in Kelana Jaya or actually, for once, have Teh Tarik at a Mamak.
It doesn’t matter what we do, just as long as we do it together.
The Game Saved Lives.
If it were not for the game… there’s no telling what she might have done that day or the next day. That afternoon, gaming literally saved her life, and I believe I saved the lives of others too.
She is still seeing her therapist regularly, and she’s gradually weaning off some of her medications. I will probably meet her at PPUM in the coming weeks again. Someone from the guild will be there with her if I can’t. We may not go into the therapist’s office with her anymore, but she won’t be facing the challenges ahead of her alone.
Stock image used for illustrative purposes only.
The Media Gives Gaming Bad Press.
The media gives gamers and gaming extensive negative coverage. The narrative is generally: The game is violent. The people who play are violent, too from CSGO to Valorant to MLBB to Starcraft 2 and DOTA II.
All these games are violent, involving combat and eliminating the opposing team. All this requires collaboration, teamwork, communication and coordination to stand a chance at winning.
Yet, Malaysians celebrate every time there’s a win in E-Sports. The punchline to a bad joke is that I’ve yet to see a “peaceful” e-sports title.
Mainstream media will never talk about it or understand how powerful a gaming community can be. You’ll never read, see or hear about it in the media.
Gaming gives us a common ground that lays the foundations for friendships to form. I’ve made friends around the world, and met people from all cultures, walks of life, nationalities, identities, and orientations. I’m better because of the people I’ve met and played online with.
Within the Teh Tarik Guild, Hex has a live, real-time support network that spans six Asian countries, Australia and Europe. Gamers know how it is and how it’s supposed to be: Friends first. Gamers second. Enough said.
Know anyone with an interesting story to share? Drop us an email at hello@inreallife.my, and we may feature the story!
For more stories like this, read:
From Divorce to Addiction to Recovery — The Story Of A Gaming Addict
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