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A 57-year old man was arrested recently for sexual assault. His victim, a 34-year old food delivery rider was ‘groped and kissed on the cheeks’ after fulfilling his order.
Netizens reacted to the news, not with disgust or condemnation, but with jokes and laughing emojis.
User Ajoy Putera said: “Maybe because you’re too handsome…Try not to be so good-looking so he won’t be tempted…”
User Abd Hamid said: “Now riders need to wear chastity belts to protect themselves. Guys don’t be mad, okay, just kidding.”
User Putra Lilin said: ‘Must have been awhile for him…Hahaha…’
Source: Siakap Keli FB
We can all agree that sexual assault is a horrible experience. It leaves the victim feeling traumatised, ashamed and isolated. So why do we take it so lightly when the victim is a man?
Society expects men to look after themselves and shrug it off.
For all the flack that men get over how misogynistic they are, society still holds them up to traditional standards of masculinity. If they are being bullied, they are expected to be self-reliant and stand-up for themselves.
Admitting to being a victim is a sign of weakness and a permanent downgrade on your manhood, especially if the perpetrator is a woman or a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
Prince Syed, a TikTok personality known for his beautifully handmade dresses, has shared that some men on his social media make comments such as, “Oh, he must be gay because he’s too soft,” or “If he were a bottom, it would be great,” referring to his appearance and identity.
Syed not only has to fend off these verbal abuse himself, but also frequently receives hateful comments from other men and women who comment about his eligibility as a husband.
Men tend to keep silent or downplay their experience because they don’t want to be judged and ridiculed.
Image: Prince Syed
Syed, who is married, had experienced sexual harassment from a woman, yet chooses to remain silent. His in-law even witnessed the incident, but they just brushed it off and pretended as if nothing happened.
When asked about it, Syed explained, “We were in a public space, and if we were to speak up or raise our voices, it would cause a scene, which we do not want.”
“Plus, men are expected to protect their dignity, their own as well as their family’s. It’s something we’re meant to brush off as not a big issue.”
It’s no wonder that most men would rather keep their problems to themselves, for fear of being humiliated and degraded by their friends, family and society.
But all this pent up frustration can lead to deep-rooted trauma that manifests into unhealthy behaviour.
Unlike women, most men are not taught to recognise sexual harassment and unwanted advances. So when it happens to them, they’re not even aware of what is happening until it’s too late. Some even freeze up out of fear.
Men are taught from a young age to withhold their emotions. Society and pop culture dictates that they are only allowed two modes of expression: stoic calmness or anger.
This can be incredibly isolating, because unlike women, men don’t usually share any of their uncomfortable feelings and thoughts with each other. This is one of the reasons why they’re so clueless about women’s emotions.
KC who went to an all boys secondary school shares his observation on the differences between the sexes:
“When girls hit puberty they’re taught to care for their bodies and to pay more attention to their emotions. Boys just learn about the birds and bees from our classmates, usually through jokes or through porn. That can cause men to have a very distorted view of what kind of sexual contact is healthy and acceptable.”
Sexual assault is an uncomfortable topic. If the victim were a woman or a child we would be in an uproar, and rightly so. But it’s time that we acknowledge that men can be victims as well.
Just because they are physically stronger doesn’t mean that they are spared the same mental anguish that all abuse victims go through.
We as a modern society should meet their experiences with compassion, not ridicule.
Guys, have you ever been taken advantage of?
Email us and share your story at hello@inreallife.my
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