Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
On one hand, dating can be fun and exhilarating. On the other, it can be utterly, soul-crushingly maddening – and that’s especially true in the digital age.
If only there were some sort of way to make dating easier, some sort of secret code that allowed you to peek into the mind of the person across the table from you… Unfortunately, technology hasn’t provided that yet. But there’s always the next best thing: knowledge.
1. He secretly wants to split the bill
Generations of social conditioning – not to mention the wildly outdated “gentleman’s code” – would have you believe that a man should always pay for the first date. And, sure, that’s the classy move (especially given the very real pay gap that exists between genders). But if you’re regularly going on first dates, paying the bill can start to drain your bank account.
The majority of guys actually would jump at the chance to split the bill down the middle, but the reality is most men don’t (and can’t) want to pay for you and would prefer to go Dutch.
2. He really wants to go back to your place… but not for that reason!
Yes, generalizations are bad, but we’ll make an exception for this one: women just have better beds than men. It’s an indisputable fact. Their mattresses are cozier, their blankets are softer, and their pillows are fluffier (and there are so many of them).
Men, on the other hand, can get by with two paper-thin pillows and an unwashed top sheet. Given the chance to nod off in heavenly bliss at your place, you better bet he’ll take it.
3. He gets help with his text messages
Flirty texts are an essential part of 21st-century dating. And while the best texts probably seem like they were borne out of innate wit, the truth is that they were likely crafted in a focus group of buddies.
The stereotype is clear: women hire a focus group to craft each text, while men just send whatever without thinking. Not true! We often bounce ideas off friends to make our texts seem as effortlessly aloof as the ‘just rolled out of bed’ look we’ve all mastered for our hair.
4. He’s hoping you’ll ask for the second date
Due to generations of social conditioning, it’s usually expected that men should be the ones moving things forward in the early stages of dating. But some guys want to take the passenger seat and let women take the lead.
Some men assume that leaving the future up to the woman they’re seeing might lead to a stronger, longer, more even-keeled relationship ultimately.
5. He doesn’t want to hear about your ex
Even if you’re complaining about him, which is kind of a bummer on a date, your date will inevitably start to compare himself to him. Guys can let their insecurities make them jealous and competitive, so they’d rather not hear about how great or terrible your last boyfriend was.
Not on the first few dates, at least.
6. Even if he says otherwise, his place is ready for a guest
There’s an almost 100 percent chance that a guy has spruced up his place in the event a date goes really, really well.
For the first date, he tidies up his room, puts new sheets on the bed and has made sure that it looks cozy, while on regular days his place is likely in a mess 9/10 times.
7. And it’s also ready for an awesome morning
Spare toothbrush? Check. Clean towel? Check. Fancy coffee, all of the ingredients for a tasty omelet, and the skills to whip it up? Check, check, and check.
In the same way a guy plans for having friends or family visit, he plans for having a romantic interest stay over. Hey, points for being prepared, right?
8. He’s worn that cologne since college
Guys are creatures of habit, and that’s particularly true when it comes to choices around personal grooming. He’ll never change his cologne… because he received one compliment on it years ago and now he believes it’s the secret to his success.
The same is true of many other weapons in his hygiene arsenal – chances are that he’s been using the same deodorant, toothpaste, and body wash since forever.
9. Those charming one-liners are rehearsed
It’s actually quite common for men to rehearse specific lines, compliments, and conversations, especially early on in the dating process. Some will practice in front of a mirror, while some will even coerce a buddy to play the role of their date!
Let’s be honest, dating is hard and, depending on who you’re with, that initial first date conversation can be a little daunting. So it should come as no surprise that guys tend to find what works and lead with those same conversation starters time and time again.
10. He really wants to talk about the juicy stuff – but he would never dream of it
Politics, religion, sex life. These are all juicy topics that everyone likes talking about. They’re also topics that can quickly veer into awkward or even offensive territory.
So if a guy wants a first date to turn into a second, he’ll avoid these topics like the plague, and even go so far as to steer the conversation away from them. Better to save the deep stuff for later dates, when both parties are a bit more comfortable with each other.
11. He has a lucky pair of underwear
It surely won’t surprise you that men have pre-date rituals (shower, shave, spray cologne). But do you know how superstitious they are? Each pre-date routine is basically a game of chess, right down to the underwear he chooses, they can’t afford to make one wrong move.
So what exactly is a “lucky pair?” Simple: if he wore it on a previous first date that ended up going wonderfully, there’s a 9/10 chance he’ll wear that pair on every subsequent first date. And this superstition isn’t limited to just underwear. He might have a particular belt or pair of socks. He’ll never admit it, but these items play a major role in putting him in the right place mentally – which can only make a date that much better.
12. He definitely has an exit plan
When a man knows that the relationship won’t be serious, or that he is only going to date a girl to pass time, he’ll get his break-up plan ready. Whatever his approach, you can trust that he has it figured out, and is trying to come up with a way that ends things honestly and respectfully, with the least amount of hurt feelings for all involved.
That said, if he falls back on the classic, “It’s not you, it’s me” – then he’s just lazy.
13. He may say he’ll call even if he doesn’t expect to
Guys feel social pressure too, and most wouldn’t dream of embarrassing you. So if a lukewarm date ends with a half-hearted “I’ll call/text you” don’t be shocked when that doesn’t happen. To him, it’s not really a lie – just a casual way of ending an okay date on a not-depressing note.
But at the end, it’s all about whether you feel that spark or not
At the end of the day, it really all comes down to chemistry. All the secrets in the world wouldn’t guarantee any success. Because that’s just how dating works, it’s much more complex than just some advice and it’s all about putting yourself out there!
For more stories like this, read: 3 Malaysians Share Their Worst Dating Experiences After Swiping Right and An Open Letter To My Malaysian Ex-Girlfriend Who Was Dating A Girl At The Same Time As Me
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