Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Divorces are not always due to infidelity.
In these modern times, divorce is no longer seen as something to be ashamed of. Many also acknowledge that divorce is a good thing: it can be a relief to know that you are not bound to a person for life when your paths in life diverge from each other.
Now the reason behind the divorce more often than not has to do with one or sometimes both parties cheating on each other. But there are still some exceptions to the norm, and many of these exceptions are more heartbreak on both sides.
1. First they lost their child, then they lost their marriage
Adam and his wife had dated for 3 years and were married for 2 when it all fell apart one night. He was late picking his wife up after work from the LRT station near their home because of a flat tire.
He hurriedly changed the tire and made his way to the station. By the time he got there, he was 20 minutes late. He arrived to find police and an ambulance rushing his wife to the hospital.
She was the victim of a purse snatching. The attackers got her purse, but in the struggle she was stabbed twice in the lower abdomen.
Surgery saved her, but not their unborn child. In the months after the attack and her recovery, their marriage began to fall apart. Counseling, couples therapy, none of it helped. His wife understood that it was not his fault but still found it hard not to resent him.
After a year, they called it quits and Adam conceded to her demands for a divorce. Their assets were divided, the papers signed, and the couple went their separate ways. The entire experience has left Adam incredibly bitter and he’s done with dating and romantic relationships in general.
That was three years ago and he neither knows nor cares what his ex-wife is doing.
2. He hit her and couldn’t forgive himself for it
They dated, fell in love, and got married, but after the honeymoon things began to go wrong for Junjun and Jared. They disagreed, then they started fighting about money, and then about almost anything. Jared was working incredibly late nights and thought she was cheating. Junjun was convinced he was having an affair at the office.
The disagreements became fights. Screaming matches became the norm if they were in the same room at home. Then one day, after an extended screaming match, Jared snapped and lost his temper completely. He slapped his wife. She could not believe he had just done that.
Jared just stood there, staring at his hand, and then at her, and back again. Like his brain was trying desperately to process what had just happened. He didn’t say a word. Just turned, went to the bedroom, packed his clothes, and some other personal stuff. He threw everything in his car and drove off. Junjun was left stunned, trying to process what had just happened: how things had gone so bad, so violent, so suddenly.
She tried to call him, but he wouldn’t pick up. A few days later, a lawyer showed up and served her divorce papers. It was simple: sign, and she would get the house, car, and half the joint account.
Just like that, three years of marriage and four years of dating were destroyed. Junjun had called her parents, trying to figure out what to do. Imagine her surprise when her parents said that they knew. That Jared had called, apologetic, guilty over what he had done. He explained what had happened to them and then hung up.
Jared vanished into thin air. After a few months, she finally signed the papers and got exactly what was promised to her. Junjun sold the hous and today she lives with her parents. She couldn’t stay in a house that was “a reminder of a failed marriage and a broken home”.
Jared’s lawyer was able to confirm that he was alive and doing well and he has not done anything illegal. He has not been seen since the divorce, some five years ago. His parents know everything and probably know where he is. But she hopes that wherever he is, he is doing well and is at peace with himself.
3. She never had time for our child
My wife was around less and less. She wanted to be free to live her own life and go out with her friends. Over time, it became more and more common for me to pick up our daughter from school (morning session), and then later, send her to school (afternoon session).
It started with my wife gradually ignoring my calls. I would have to bring my daughter to the office with me. During this time, my daughter was only 5 years old. Not like I could leave her at home. And work from home wasn’t a thing in the 1990s!
She kept promising to spend time with our daughter, but would just break those promises every single time. “Just tell her I’m busy! You do something with her!” or something along those lines.
The breaking point came on my daughter’s 6th birthday. My wife didn’t show up and I had to rush to pick her up from school. My daughter got into my car quietly, looked me in the eye, and asked quietly, “Which excuse is it today papa?”
That was it. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know what changed, and at the time, I still loved her. But I did what was best for my daughter and I have no regrets. I filed for divorce the next day. My ex-wife got most of the cash and half the investments – but I kept our home.
I’ve raised my daughter alone since then and she’s an adult now. Her graduation from Sunway University is later this year. I’m not missing it for anything!
4. Divorce can be a way to fix things
My parents were always fighting. Always. Every day there was always something to fight about. Finally, after almost 20 years of married warfare, my mother demanded a divorce. My father was destroyed by her demand.
My father is a hardworking man, but like all fathers of his generation, he has trouble expressing his emotions and how much he cares for his family. My father slaved away, working two jobs for most of his married life to provide for me and my younger siblings.
My mother, also a hard worker, was always upset that my father never had time to be with us. He would rather be working to provide for us than anything else.
I still remember the day that she filed for divorce. I was 5 when the papers were given to my father. It was the only time I have seen him express any emotion: he cried. Then he seemed to suck it all in. He signed the papers and he was out of our home by the end of the day.
He continued to work two jobs and send money for all three of us. No coercion, no lawyers, nothing. He just did everything he could to provide for his children and his ex-wife – not that my mother ever took a cent for herself. Whatever he sent to her is still sitting in a bank account somewhere.
The years passed and things got better with my mother. She did go out on a few dates, but nothing came of them. My relationship with my father also improved. He would visit us weekly or at least bi-monthly and spend time with us over meals, trips to the park, just doing… family things together.
My parents were actually able to get along and communicate. It was when I was doing my A-levels that my father started coming over for dinner. But when I was studying at university, he was home for breakfast too.
By the time I graduated, both my parents were there and they dropped a bomb: “Your mother and I are dating again.” They dated for a year and then quietly got remarried.
It took them almost two decades to figure it out and make it work, but they have been together ever since. They talk and communicate and understand each other a lot better. Things are calm and peaceful at home. I hope it lasts for the rest of their lives.
Divorce really isn’t a bad thing
Divorce happens to many, and it’s not always because someone cheated on someone. People can change for reasons that we will never understand and sometimes it’s best that we don’t.
Instead, support them as best you can, so they too can move forward with their life, and hopefully find peace and happiness of their own accord.
For more stories like this, read: “I Was His Mistress” – 3 Malaysians Share Their Experiences With Cheating, 7 Malaysians Share Their Worst One Night Stand Stories, and 5 Toxic Traits That Are Normalised In Malaysia’s Dating Scene.
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