Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
In 2015, a study out of the University of Notre Dame showed that children who receive affection from their parents were happier as adults. Low self‐worth during childhood and adolescence predicts a range of emotional and behaviourial problems.
It’s widely agreed upon that Malaysian fathers aren’t always the best at showing their children they love them – does that mean we’ve all turned out to be kind of problematic?
For some, the thought of hearing the words “I love you” come out from their father’s mouth seems completely impossible. A hug? More like just 1.5 seconds of awkward floaty arms and a light pat on the back.
Don’t worry though! Words of affirmation and physical touch aren’t at the top of the Malaysian Dad Love Language ranks, but we’ve got three more that could potentially *not guaranteed* save us from developing daddy issues.
With Father’s Day around the corner, we asked Malaysians how their dads say ‘I love you’ without actually saying it and here’s what they told us!
1. Acts of Service
CY from Kampar says her dad will pump petrol and dabao breakfast for her before she goes back into the city for work. “He will dabao popiah and leicha for me because those are my favourites back home in Kampar,”
Ardini’s dad also fills up a full tank whenever he uses her car and even makes car service appointments for her!
“My dad is a coffee snob. When I say I want coffee he will make it and bring it to my room when I’m working, then he just stands there and waits for me to taste it and share my opinion.” says Sofiah.
2. Receiving Gifts
Aqil tells us his dad has a very simple but effective way of showing affection. “You want Musang King this weekend?”. A truly Malaysian dad!
The act of giving money was also a common theme in the responses we received. Husna says “He keeps asking if I have money even though I’m already working,”
It also transcends generations, “Not just my dad, my grandfather is the same. He will wave his hand with a ‘come here’ gesture and when I’m in front of him, he will take an angpau from his pocket and slap it in my palm,” says Pak.
Kat says, “His way of showing love is by giving money. He pays his way to help me however he can. He’s also been telling me lately that he trusts my judgement, that I’m mature and smart enough to take care of myself, that makes me proud. I think I’m just relieved he doesn’t see me as a child anymore.”
Shre tells us her dad buys her fruit, lots of it. “I will mention a fruit is nice, next thing you know I’m eating it for the whole month,”
3. Quality time
Adlin shared with us a story of her first ever internship interview, “I was supposed to drive to PJ and then back to Taman Melawati and my dad said he wanted to accompany me. I told him he didn’t have to, I wasn’t really that nervous about it, but he insisted. He drove there in his car while I drove in mine.
“The interview was around 10am and my dad doesn’t hold a high position or anything like that so it wasn’t like he was the boss who could go into work whenever. I told him he didn’t need to be with me because it would make him late for work but he said it was okay and had breakfast with me in front of the studio where the interview was.
“He was still waiting for me when I came out from the interview to ask me how it went. Even in our separate cars, he called me to make sure I knew how to get home. We eventually hung up and I watched his car make the turn towards his office as I kept driving straight home.
“It kind of felt like we were separating ways as a parent and child, I had my journey to go on and he had his.”
*Bonus responses*
We Malaysians generally don’t take ourselves too seriously so it’s no surprise that we got some funny replies.
To end on a more heartwarming note however, Amirul tells us this, “My dad doesn’t say much, but he will always be there whenever I need his help. I can always count on him to be there for me, anytime anywhere gitew,”
To all the father figures in our lives
Be it non-biological fathers, brothers, uncles, even mothers who take on the role, thank you for being there for us- even if you show it in very weird and indirect ways.
Happy Father’s day weekend!
Know anyone with an interesting story to share? Drop us an email at hello@inreallife.my and we may feature the story!
For more stories like this, read:
A Single Mum Who Faced The Pressure Of Being a Father and Mother
We Asked Men in Their 30s, 40s, and 50s: What’s It Like Being a Father?
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