Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
When Jenna* fell pregnant with her second child she was determined to remain as active as possible. Keeping up her regular volleyball games, she did her best to keep moving – but a niggling pain in her leg began to trouble her.
But the expectant mother from KL, who was already mum to baby Elly* was just 21 at the time and the picture of health, so she wasn’t too concerned that the pain was serious.
And after asking her aunt if the bump above her knee was anything to worry about, she was reassured it was probably nothing.
Jenna and her husband went to a doctor who specialised in knees and shoulders and advised her to go to the hospital
“He didn’t say anything at the time but later, he admitted to me he knew it was serious,” Jenna, now 36, told IRL.
The expectant mum went to the hospital the next day for scans – and soon received a horrifying diagnosis – she had, a type of bone cancer.
Suddenly, she was faced with an impossible choice; abort her baby and begin chemotherapy or delay the cancer treatment and risk her own health to give the baby the best possible chance of survival. But for Jenna, there was only ever one option.
“I said I wouldn’t terminate the pregnancy and we’d have to figure it out,” she recalled.
Choosing to delay chemotherapy until she was six months pregnant, Jenna took a huge gamble. She began her first rounds of chemo as she entered her third trimester – and while she didn’t find it too tough at first, she suffered hair loss and nausea.
While juggling chemotherapy with being a mum to 10-month-old Elly, her husband decided to leave her
Shortly after her first chemotherapy appointment, Jenna came home and vomited in the toilet. When she walked back into the living room, her husband Nick* told her he was leaving her.
“He couldn’t handle it,” she recalled. “He’d been upset that I hadn’t focused on my own health by going through with the termination.“
“I can talk about it now, but at the time it was heartbreaking. I was pregnant, I had a 10-month-old baby and I was fighting for my life.”
However, Jenna thinks the seriousness of her condition meant she had no choice but to carry on and try to get well for Elly and her unborn child.
For the next few months, Jenna did chemotherapy which continually caused her body to go into early labour
Six weeks before her due date, doctors decided they couldn’t wait any longer and delivered the baby.
“I remember thinking, ‘am I delivering an alien?’ because my doctors had never delivered a baby that had been exposed to chemotherapy before,”
“I was bald and sick, and we were expecting I’d have a bald baby too – but she came out with a full head of dark hair.”
Although Jenna and Nick were separated, he was at the hospital during Jenna’s labour – and the pair were both relieved when little baby Emma* was born at 1.58 kilograms.
“She was tiny of course, but she was ok,” Jenna said.
She said: “I thought, ‘She’s out and now I can focus on myself. I don’t have to worry about her anymore.”
There was little rest for single mum Jenna who had to resume chemo two weeks after giving birth
“My mum became the main caregiver for my children and for me. She missed so much work she got fired,” Jenna said. Her mum came to the rescue to look after the girls while she had treatment
“I couldn’t even do feedings for Emma because I didn’t have any energy. Mum was essentially mothering my child.”
For the next year, Jenna continued with her treatment – which included an operation to remove part of the tumour from her leg
“I couldn’t walk on it for about 10 months. When you’re having chemo, your body heals much more slowly.”
Finally, after more than a year of grueling treatment which left her body in pieces, Jenna went into remission – but she struggled to settle back into her old life.
“The transition was more complicated than I thought. I couldn’t tell people about it who hadn’t been through it because they just didn’t get it.
“After spending so much time alone because of my weakened immune system, meant I had to avoid seeing people, so I found it hard to be sociable again. I was also learning how to be a mum to two girls, which involved many adjustments.
Looking back on the breakdown of their relationship more than about 15 years ago, Jenna said: “I never blamed him. Where was blaming him going to get me? If anything, it would have stopped me from moving forward. And now I’m raising two teenage girls.
Jenna eventually became a stronger person through fitness – and realised she didn’t need a partner
“I was invited to take a fitness class one day – and after that, I just couldn’t stop.
“After my surgery doctors weren’t sure if I’d be able to go on and do lots of active things. It lit a fire in me and I wanted to prove to them that they were wrong.
“I was a mum with 2 babies at home and I was still processing cancer. I was a bit lost and I didn’t really know what I liked.”
After discovering fitness, Jenna gained back the confidence she’d lost when she was sick. Before long, she realised she wanted to help other people get fit too and qualified as a fitness instructor, teaching others for seven years.
And as of 2022, the busy mum of two went on to manage two boutique gyms.
My advice to all you single mothers out there
Being a single mother is not an easy job. That’s why it’s important to use all the resources available to you in order to make this job a little bit easier.
Using technology, an organization system and a supportive community are just a few examples of things you should utilize to your benefit. It’s also important to shift your mindset and be more practical when it comes to things like priorities and finances.
Most of all, don’t forget about your own self care. Only when you take care of yourself can you best take care of the people you love.
Single mothers are some of the most hard-working people out there, and you deserve to have a happy and fulfilling life.
* Names have been changed for anonymity
For more stories like this, read: At Age 27, I Was Diagnosed With Breast Cancer. Here’s How I Became a Survivor and My Wife Had Cancer — And Our World Came Crashing Down
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