Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Subscribe to our Telegram for updates
Modern day depictions of autistic people tend to portray them as quirky, delicate and highly intelligent characters with almost superhuman abilities.
Image: Shows like The Good Doctor and Extraordinary Attorney Woo depict main characters who are autistic.
However, most TV series are created for entertainment purposes and are an exaggerated reflection of autistic people. For example, this meme featuring the autistic character from The Good Doctor, has sparked criticism for its unrealistic depiction of autism.
It might be hard to believe, but not all autistic people are savants with eidetic memories.
Most are indistinguishable from regular folks and have their own unique challenges and struggles.
But that doesn’t make them any less remarkable, as Izzah discovered through her friendship with Nawal.
“She’s funny but reserved. Talkative yet awkward. Friendly but also introverted.”
(Editor’s note: The story is now being told from Izzah’s perspective.)
I first met Nawal during my first year at Unimas in 2020. We were both volunteers for an NGO called MyFundAction.
But it was only a year later that we got a chance to get to know each other better when we became housemates.
I definitely noticed something different about her from the beginning. Most of the time she’s approachable, but there are times when it seems like she does a 180-degree turn and suddenly becomes cold.
I also noticed that sometimes the way she speaks sounded forced, almost like it was memorised and not truly her own words. But then, there are times when she can be spontaneous and random.
I tried bringing it up with the rest of our housemates, but they just brushed it off.
“Takpelah, dia memang macam tu. Terima je lah,” they said.
All of our mutual friends I spoke to said the same thing. Everyone had a genuine affection for Nawal, and it’s not hard to see why.
She’s a very funny person, conversations with her are always exciting as she likes to share random thoughts which can launch into deep, introspective discussions.
It’s very rare to find people with analytical thinking like her.
Like Young Woo from Extraordinary Attorney Woo, she tends to info dump a lot, sharing facts and trivia from subjects that really interest her.
Some people find this annoying, but that’s how some autistic people engage in conversation. They get really passionate about certain subject matters and just wanna share all their knowledge.
To me that’s really endearing. Sharing is caring, kan?
“Friendship with autistic people is not a burden.”
Video: Izzah started making videos on TikTok and Instagram about her friendship with Nawal to educate the public about people with autism. Watch here.
Many people avoid autistic people because they are described as people who act ‘weird’ or say ‘awkward’ things.
As someone who has been best friends with Nawal for 7 years, I find that it’s just a matter of having strong EQ and learning to observe their behaviour.
For instance, they might do random things with their hands like clapping, flapping or fidgeting. This is called ‘stimming’ and they do it because it has a calming effect.
They sometimes do it when they’re deep in thought and don’t even notice that they’re doing it, like how some people like to shake their leg.
Friendship with autistic people is not a burden. You just have to understand their behaviour and learn to communicate honestly.
Most people find it very difficult to be close friends with an autistic person, because we Asians don’t like to be confrontational. However, autistic people have trouble reading social cues, so you need to be direct with them.
For example, Nawal can be very blunt sometimes and say things that come off as hurtful even though it’s not her intention. When this happens, I just tell her immediately so she understands how I feel.
To be honest, I find Nawal’s honesty refreshing. We could all learn to not take things too personally and allow ourselves to be a bit more authentic with each other.
Growing up, Nawal was a high achiever in academic studies.
Video: Nawal has learned skills in leadership, public speaking and project management through her volunteer activities. Watch here.
Nawal says her childhood was pretty typical. Growing up, she achieved good grades in UPSR and SPM, possibly due to her ability in memorizing facts in subjects she’s interested in.
Aside from having a sensitive personality, having a few quirks such as insisting on wearing specific types of clothes, she says she didn’t feel ‘different’ from others.
It was only when she started uni and was preparing to enter the workforce did she struggle to adapt. This is most common with many undiagnosed adults with autism.
Nawal says she finds it challenging to communicate with her peers, which is why she is always making efforts to improve herself and be more independent.
With persistence and support from her friends, she’s learned to better navigate life.
Common Traits of Autism Spectrum Disorder, according to Nawal
Image via @adulting_with_autism
Here are some things Nawal wishes people would understand about living with ASD:
1.We have our routines.
Nawal shares: “Our routines gives us a sense of order and control. This is not the same as OCD. If we need to do something out of the ordinary, we like to do as much research as possible to feel prepared. This can include asking a lot of questions at work.”
2. We take things literally.
Nawal shares: “We can’t take ‘hints’ and we don’t have what people call ‘common sense’. This means we can be very blunt and sometimes appear offensive. If this happens, please don’t drop hints or be sarcastic – it only makes it more confusing for us. Just be direct and tell us what was hurtful. In fact, we highly value honesty.
3. We do like to socialise.
Nawal shares: “We do like socialising, it’s just that we’re not naturally good at it. For example, I wanted to compliment a classmate so I said she was ‘comel macam katak’, because I thought frogs are cute. But she thought I was insulting her. I wasn’t aware at the time that people don’t like being compared to frogs. My advice is to give us a chance and embrace our weirdness. Once you get past the awkwardness, we can be very loyal friends.”
4. We go quiet when overwhelmed.
Nawal shares: “If we’re suddenly quiet or acting strangely, we could be feeling overwhelmed, due to sensory overload or anxiety. From the outside, we may suddenly appear disinterested, especially in social settings. It could be that we’re just feeling burnt out from talking. Just let us have a moment to ourselves and we’ll bounce back eventually.”
Even though autistic people are more visible in popular media nowadays, society still sees them as outcasts.
Diagnosis in adulthood is rare, as many adults with undiagnosed autism have developed coping mechanisms and masking strategies to fit into society.
Nowadays, autism is understood as a whole spectrum of traits, with varying degrees of intensity for each trait. It is important to understand that no two autistic people are alike.
“I’m so proud of her,” shared Izzah. “I hope that through our friendship they’ll be able to see how awesome Nawal is.”
For more stories like this, read:
[Video] The Malaysian Who Opened A Cafe For His Autistic Son
Do you have an interesting story? Email us at hello@inreallife.my
You might also like
More from Real People
I Put My Mother In an Old Folks Home and It Was The Hardest Decision of My Life
This story is about an only daughter’s extremely difficult choice to place her mother in a care home after she …
I Got Pregnant and Kept It a Secret From My Family While I Was Studying Overseas
This story is about a young M’sian woman who fell pregnant with a baby while studying abroad and kept it …
I Quit My Gov’t Job and Now I Make RM80,000 per Season as a Chili Farmer in Terengganu
This story is about a 30-year-old government servant who quit his stable 9-to-5 job to become a chili farmer in …
