Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
The discussion of periods has overtaken social media. For the past few days, hot takes on periods, period poverty and everything menstrual-related has dominated news feeds. This is because of the release of the national budget for next year, in which a small portion will be set aside for free monthly feminine hygiene kits for women from B40 backgrounds.
If you’re a cis man, you’ve probably heard a lot of things about periods that might have infiltrated their way into your beliefs. As cis men don’t experience menstrual cycles, some have expressed some really wacky ideas about what happens down there every month.
The question is: do men even think logically on whatever they’re told about periods by other men?
Judging by the number of Malaysian men mouthing off on Twitter, likely not.
Here are some of the common (and very wrong) beliefs about periods held by some Malaysian men:
1. Sanitary pads are used like a sticker
A great many men have professed confusion as to how sanitary pads (and pretty much every other feminine hygiene product) work.
An unexpectedly common belief is that the sticky side of pads go over the vagina, but opinions differ on whether this seals the blood inside or collects the blood. This belief could easily be rebutted by anyone familiar with the anatomy of a pad – there is a sticky side and an absorbent side.
2. Sanitary pads are like diapers
There is also the idea that one pad is enough for a day of use. This is something that women wish was reality. Truth be told, even if one pad a day was possible, many would still change pads frequently because of concerns regarding hygiene.
3. Tampons (somehow) give women sexual pleasure and destroy your virginity
The humble tampon has received lots of bad press here.
I once went through a phase where I used tampons because of their suitability with an active lifestyle. A male friend ignorantly asked me if the tampon got rid of my hymen (the tissue within the vagina that many cultures point to as evidence of virginity). Another expressed the belief that the tampon would “stretch” me out.
First of all, I hadn’t been a virgin for years before that.
Secondly, the vagina is capable of springing back after childbirth – a wad of cotton isn’t going to do anything to it.
Also, a tampon is not a dildo – it is a feminine hygiene product, not a sex toy. Not everything that goes up the vagina is sexual.
4. Many can’t tell the difference between different feminine hygiene products
Pads, tampons, pantyliner, menstrual cups… This is a litany of words that men swear are designed to confuse them.
But they’re not.
They’re just products to address different needs, or even different stages of the menstrual cycle.
Many men express disbelief that so many products exist just for the menstrual cycle, but it makes sense. A significant portion of the population undergoes a monthly menstruation and of course the products reflect the unique needs of each individual.
The choice of menstrual product is something that no woman takes lightly – consideration must include the volume of flow (heavy, medium or light flow of blood), the activities of the day (activities such as swimming are not compatible with products that are used externally), and level of comfort (some products are just more comfortable than others).
5. You can hold your menstrual blood like how you hold your pee
Some men were shocked to find out that you can’t control your cycle or your flow, and that you’re pretty much a victim to your biology.
They were also shocked to hear that it really does gush out sometimes (sneezing or laughing too hard can be a hazard – if you know you know), and that fears of blood leaking or overflowing are very real.
Despite periods being a common occurrence, the leak of period blood is something that is seen as terrifyingly embarrassing. Women have developed a form of sisterhood around it: watch any woman ask another (even if they are strangers to each other) to check her backside for leaks.
Men were also surprised to learn that period cycles can vary between the same woman, let alone different women. Many experience irregular cycles even in adulthood as periods can be affected by stress, and mental health conditions like increased anxiety or depression.
6. Period blood is dirty
There are cultural beliefs that menstrual blood is unclean, which extends to the perception that women are unclean during that time of the month.
This leads to the stigmatisation of menstrual cycles and discussion around them – something that is very unfair to the menstruating population, and most especially to women who might be suffering from health issues related to their period, like endometriosis or PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome).
It’s also scientifically impossible for blood fresh out of a body to be unclean. Some point to the dark colour of the blood as an indication that it is dirty, but darker blood is really just blood that has oxidised.
It’s normal to see different types and colours of blood throughout your cycle. Brighter blood is usually seen at the start of the cycle while darker blood is seen towards the end.
Menstruation is a taboo in many ways. My own upbringing was conservative and the men of my family heavily frowned upon any conversation on periods that were started in their presence.
It doesn’t make sense for it to be something you can’t talk about as it is a perfectly natural process for many.
Lack of education on the topic and leadership by religious authorities (who are rarely educated on the science behind the process) have fed into the wild ideas men have on menstruation.
The least that men can do is to educate themselves on menstruation with empathy. It is understandable that it is a mystery to many men (unless you’re blessed with an abundance of sisters), but what is inexcusable is how confidently some men spout these beliefs publicly.
The damage is done not just to the knowledge and education of men regarding the world around them, but also to younger girls and pre-teens on the cusp of experiencing their first period.
For more stories like this, read: The Libresse Fiasco Is Another Example Of Malaysian Misogyny – Here’s How And Why and I Was Diagnosed With A 10cm Cyst On My Ovary At The Age of 24.
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