Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
IRL reached out to Wang, a volunteer worker who shared this story about a middle-aged woman who loves her son but is sad that she won’t get a grandson because he is gay.
I’m Wang, a HIV caseworker in Selangor. I once met an aunty in my office which I opened to help the HIV+ group of Malaysians, as well as other marginalized groups like lesbians, trans, and gay community.
The lady was in her 40s, and she came alone after her friend referred her to me. She was told I was an activist who helped groups related to minorities.
In reality, she wanted me to provide counselling for her son who was gay, to advise him on becoming straight so that he would marry a nice girl and give her a grandson. Aiyo, after I heard out her request, I thought privately to myself, she came to the wrong place and got the wrong person for this!
I wish I could have a grandson but my son is gay, what should I do?
I still remember seeing her let out a deep sigh while she was recounting her story about her beloved son and his boyfriend.
“They go out on dates together, do everything together, hug each other in the living room, but aunty doesn’t have the heart to criticise them, because aunty loves her one and only son,” she told me.
I then asked her a series of questions for her to think over.
This whole time, has your son ever had girlfriends, or brought home any girls to be introduced to you?
“Is your son typically disrespectful in your daily interactions with him?”
“How has your son’s boyfriend treated you since you’ve got to know him?”
“Has your son treated you to dinners and spent quality time with you?”
From what I gathered from the aunty’s answers, her son is a good son, he does his work dutifully, he has a full-time job as senior management in a factory, and he often helps out with the household duties ever since her husband passed away. His boyfriend is also someone who actively helps out at home too.
Then I provided this piece of advice for the aunty:
“Look at it this way, aunty. Why don’t you try to accept your son for who he is, and don’t force him to get married? Because if he starts denying his authentic self out of love for you, it would be to force him to act dishonesty with you. At the same time, you mustn’t force a young girl to fall victim to such dishonesty, just for the sake of having a grandson.”
“If you force him to get married, he won’t be living in happiness – what more the woman that is married to him? She will suffer in body and soul, which will have consequences upon you as well, aunty.”
“Let your child live in happiness and contentment, because his happiness will also give you cheer in the days to come. Maybe right now, you’re finding it difficult to take in what I’m telling you, but give your son time to prove that he can take care of you in the future.”
“And think of it this way, you could regard his boyfriend as your adoptive son too. Meaning that, in your old age, not only do you have your only son to look after you, your new adoptive son will be there for you too.”
After listening to what I had to say, the aunty simply nodded in response and took her leave. Before she left, she asked me how much the session would be, and I responded saying it’s free, because this is our duty as volunteers to help wherever they can.
After a month had passed, I reached out to the aunty and asked her how she was doing.
This was her response:
“Thank you sir. I understand what you mean now what you said that day. My son has been taking me for dinner a lot and is even planning a trip to Thailand with me. Two weeks ago, when I had a bad fall, his boyfriend came to bring me to the clinic to see a doctor.”
“I was so lucky that he was around to do this for me. I want my son to be happy. I see he is truly happy after I started chatting and getting to know his boyfriend more.”
This is a real case that happened, and although not every case can be as straightforward and solved with ease as this one, I still hold out hope that parents out there will be able to take inspiration from this mother’s example.
It’s not about denying reality, or sweeping matters under the carpet, or pointing fingers without thinking of the feelings of others, but about seeing the bigger picture as a win-win situation.
What do you think of this story?
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Also read: I Spent 25 Years Raising My Son But Now I Question Was It Worth It?
I Spent 25 Years Raising My Son, But Now I Question, “Was It Worth It?”
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