Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
I grew up speaking English at home, because my parents realised the importance of the international language. However, my mom also felt it was necessary that her kids picked up the Mandarin language, so she decided to enrol us into Chinese schools. Hey, kill 3 languages with 1 stone right?
It’s been 13 years since high school, but sometimes looking back, I’d realise how f*cked up my SMJK(C) school was. As a naive little kid, you don’t realise it at the time. But now, I can whole-heartedly say that I honestly hated that school and the environment in which I had to grow up in those 5 fricking years.
Now, this may not apply to ALL Chinese schools, but speaking to different friends, most of them experienced the same.
Here are some of the really messed up reasons why:
1. Being boycotted for speaking English
Me being more comfortable with the 2 other english speakers in class
Because I grew up speaking English, my Mandarin was very limited. I struggled to keep up with my classmates who spoke in Mandarin, and would tend to reply back in English when I first got into Form 1.
However, did you know speaking English gets you considered as “lansi” a.k.a. arrogant in the Chinese community? *gasps*
13-year-old me was mentally bullied as some of the female classmates ganged up to boycott me.
This traumatised me. I stopped speaking English and forced myself to respond to them in my broken Mandarin – all because I didn’t want to be outcasted, I wanted to belong.
2. People are always being two-faced b*tches
My classmate and i taking a selfie during graduation – not relevant to the story
I only knew I was being boycotted through the whispers of other classmates. In the Chinese community, it always involved talking behind one’s back, instead of confronting someone head on – which is actually a healthier way to talk things out.
2 girls, Carrine & Haley* (not their real name) who got some of the other girl classmates to form a clique among themselves would secretly speak behind my back.
I may be young, but I’m not blind. I know the way they looked at me, whispering toxicity into each other’s ears. But I didn’t know what to do, so I just pretended that I didn’t see nor hear them.
When it came to English homework, the same 2 girls would come and butter me up. Get me to help them with their homework because my grades were the best in class.
Naive ol’ me helped anyway, because again, I wanted to get into their good books. I wanted to join the clique.
3. Gossip as a way of life
Eventually, I started learning their slang and lingo. I started assimilating into their group, and acted and talked like these fake-ass girls who joked about nothing all the time.
What’s worse, was the gossip or ‘38 talks’ the Chinese community loved. Everyday it’s, “Hey did you hear” this, or “You won’t believe so and so” that.
I hated it, but I felt the need to fit in. So day after day, I’d sit there and pretend as if I gave a damn about how this senior has a thing for Samantha, or how this male prefect was being a b*tch to Eugene.
Don’t be fooled, because behind your back, topics about yourself are still leaving the lips of your very own “friends”. But beggars can’t be choosers, and I certainly couldn’t choose anyone else to hang out with.
4. Bullying the male Indian teacher
In my Chinese highschool, it really was rare to see an Indian person. The school is made up of 99.8% Chinese, with the rest being Malay and a couple of Indians.
It doesn’t help that most Chinese grew up with the scary (not to mention extremely racist) Apunene stories.
So, when we had a male Indian teacher for our arts class, students started talking about how he’s a supposed ‘molester’. Luckily, I was born and grew up in Brickfields, so I was not phased by these rumours.
“Be careful, or he’d rape you,” some of the students joked among themselves.
Looking back as a 30-year-old, that’s pretty f*cked up. He didn’t last more than a year in my school, I can only imagine why.
5. Gossip extending past teen years
After I graduated, I slowly drifted away from my old classmates, simply because we were never on the same wavelength. I preferred My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy over Jay Chou or TVXQ. I enjoyed having deep conversations as opposed to small meaningless gossiping.
To my surprise, even after not being in contact for over 5 years, I learnt from a mutual friend that they were still talking behind my back (I was not the only victim). They were still coming up with rumours that are not even true, only for the sake of their own entertainment.
Thankfully, I’ve my own group of friends then, ones I genuinely enjoyed being around with. I’ve told myself to maintain them at arm’s length since graduation, and I’ve never regretted it since.
The toxicity among the Chinese community
1. Gossiping or talking about 38 topics is very common.
It’s meaningless but a lot of people still enjoy it very much because it’s humorous and entertaining. I think it boils down to the Asian upbringing where most people were not taught to open up about their own feelings by their parents, our own parents included.
2. Talking behind someone’s back.
The toxic whispers have to STOP. Growing up, I learnt how important it is to speak to someone to their face. It may be uncomfortable at first, but what’s the point talking behind their back if it does not solve anything right?
3. Insecurity & conformity.
Just because someone is different, language or skintone wise does not give anyone the right to ridicule them – no matter how ‘harmless’ they think the joke is. It’s a bigger reflection of their own insecurities more than anything else.
All in all, going through that experience was a waste of time
I wish I could provide an inspiring takeaway, on how this experience has made me a stronger person…
But it has not.
It gave me anxiety.
For more stories like this, read: 3 Culture Shocks I Felt After Going From An SRJK(C) To An SMK School and What It’s Like Going To A Chinese School In Malaysia As A Malay.
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