Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Kids really do say the darndest things. If you’ve spent any time around a kid, you’ll understand exactly how they can be so weird and creepy sometimes – after all, they’re still learning about the world around them.
Here are 5 weird stories about how strange the average child can be:
1. My kid scares me every night
She’s a very pale child with long dark hair and she loves wearing those nighties that you see sick Victorian era children in. She’s also really quiet and shy.
Her way of waking me up in the middle of the night is to stand silently by the side of my bed until I wake up from feeling her stare.
Why is she such a creepy child? I’m blaming this on her father.
2. I think my daughters keep seeing ghosts
My husband is away quite a lot of the time, so it’s just me and the kids at home. I’m usually busy with the younger kids, and my eldest is more independent so it’s safe to leave her alone to do her own thing – she mostly does some art and reading. She’s a good kid, but one thing she does really makes me think.
I tend to find her lying on the floor, staring into the gap between the door and the floor. “Mummy, got people in the room!” she’ll come to me and whisper excitedly.
The younger kid doesn’t help either. She tends to wake from nightmares of someone watching her.
Maybe it’s not my kids being creepy, huh? Maybe my house is just haunted.
3. You want to see my what?
I was looking after my 4 year old cousin, a little cherub of a boy. Whenever we went out as a family, he would grab my hand and walk with me. Very heart-melting.
One day while we were all out together, he asked me loudly, “Can I see your c*ck?”
I’m a teenage girl from a conservative Christian background, mind you. “My what!” I gasped, trying to hush him before our parents heard anything.
“Your c*ck, can I see it?” he asked piteously, with the intense curiosity of a child.
“I don’t have one!”
“But you do!” he argued back.
He pulled up my sleeve to show me my watch. Then I realised that he was trying to say “clock” because he didn’t know the word “watch”, but his baby lisp was preventing him from saying it properly…
Kids are cute, but they’re weird.
4. Boys will be boys
My younger brother, when he was a child, had this weird habit of escaping our mother after his shower and running around the house naked.
“My wee-wee is free!” he would scream while running up and down the stairs. This happened regardless of whether we had guests or not.
My poor mother would be sighing over his antics while, with the energy of a 6 year old, he ran all over the house, hoping she would run after him to catch him. Kind of like how a golden retriever steals household items for attention. Mum had to time his showers around guest visits during the weekends because of this.
He’s grown into a very serious person now, so even the mention of this embarrasses him. Of course, being his elder sister, I bring it up every chance I get.
5. Child stuffs cotton and tissue too far up nose as a flu remedy
My granddaughter was an extremely… for the lack of a better word, I guess we could say she was a really dumb child. She had to be persuaded that Santa didn’t exist at the age of 10 and she believed all sorts of nonsense. In her defence, she was probably more gullible and naive than dumb.
One night, because of a particularly bad flu, she decided that she was too tired of blowing her nose so she shoved cotton and tissue up her nose, presumably to absorb the fluids. Unfortunately, as you would expect, the cotton and tissue got stuck quite far up her nose and couldn’t be removed.
This happened in the middle of the night. She started crying and ran to our bedroom to show us what had happened. We had to take her to a doctor to get the cotton and tissue removed. The doctor was impressed with how far she managed to push it up.
We had to caution her not to put things up her nose… but a few weeks later she got orange seeds up there.
Kids are naturally curious about the world around them, and I think it’s a good sign if your child is being weird – kids have to be weird to learn how to not be weird.
At least if your kid is strange, you can comfort yourself by saying they’ll likely grow out of it by the time they’re a bit older!
For more stories like this, read: “I Picked You Up From The Longkang!” – Malaysians Share 10 Lies That Were Told By Their Parents Growing Up, and I’m A Stay-At-Home Dad And It Was The Best Decision I Ever Made.
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