This is a user submission to IRL. We do not edit the article beyond ensuring that it complies with the site’s format. We make no guarantees of its accuracy, grammatically or otherwise. The opinions expressed are solely that of the author and do not necessarily represent the opinions of IRL or its affiliates. Users are advised to read the article at their own discretion.
I am a Psychology student from a university here in Subang Jaya, and I am currently in my second semester. Two nights ago, I had a realization — I don’t actually like Psychology.
I had a whole breakdown about it at 5 in the morning, because this realization means that I am pursuing it without a purpose whatsoever.
I know it is a privilege to be able to study in a university, and I am extremely grateful that my parents are paying for my education. However, this is not what I want.
[Malaysian filmmaker Josh Woo. Source: World Of Buzz]
Since the beginning, I have always known that film-making is the one for me.
Sadly, none of my family members supported my decision.
That’s the thing about studying an art degree – It’s hard to make a living in Malaysia because the film industry here is not prominent enough.
I know my family have my best interest in mind when they oppose it, but I know what I’m getting into making that choice.
I struggled to convince them to let me study film but to no avail. Every time I had a talk with my parents about this, I would retreat my room after and proceed to bawl my eyes out.
[Source: Citypages]
I cried and I cried, at least four times a week.
Feeling hopeless, I have come to terms with the fact that I won’t ever be able to study film, but I have not fully given up on it.
I still have plans to pursue film-making as a career, but this means I will have to wait longer than I intended to.
Through it all, I couldn’t help but think… what if I had just stood my ground and fought for my dream?
For the past 9 months, my mind has been stuck in a loop and this is all I have been thinking about for all the time that I have spent studying Psychology.
Is it even possible for me to spend another two years studying something I have just a tiny bit of interest in?
Truthfully, picking Psychology was an impulsive decision.
I had just graduated from college back in March, and I was seriously in need of a break because I have had a tough time in my last semester of college.
I was not mentally prepared to go into university so quickly, but I was practically forced to go back to studying full time three weeks after I graduated from college.
Seeing as I am not allowed to study film, that means I have to decide on another course within those three weeks.
Three weeks was definitely not enough for me to decide what other degree I should pursue, but I managed to narrow it down to two options: Mass Communication or Psychology.
On the open day itself, I was still contemplating. I have not made up my mind, but I was put on the spot. I had to decide right there and then which course I will devote the next three years of my life to.
[Source: Careeraddict]
I picked Psychology in the end, even though deep down I was still unsure.
I still remember that day vividly. You know how people generally feel happy and proud when they finally enroll in a university? It’s the opposite for me.
When I got home, I started crying again.
It wasn’t the fact that I went for Psychology; it was the fact that I gave up so easily without a second thought.
Keen on rebelling against my parents, I skipped a lot of classes in semester 1. In fact, I skipped the first day of class too.
A few weeks in, I started taking it more seriously and decided to give it a chance. I fully committed myself to it and sure enough, that thought subsided for a while.
I managed to get a decent grade in my first semester, and I thought to myself that perhaps I could really make this work.
[Source: Applyboard]
I was wrong.
I couldn’t make it work, and I feel like I’m the dumbest person in the whole course. Everyone around me seems to be really enthusiastic about being there.
They’re all seemingly coping well… but then there’s me.
I am not doing too well in my current semester. I started to regret being there, and this led up to the whole ordeal from two nights ago.
I have an interest in discussing mental health-related issues personally, but I certainly don’t like it enough to devote three years of my life studying it.
I know all these “what-ifs” won’t be enough to provide me the answer I’m searching for, but they’re all I have left.
For more stories about choosing your degree, read Why I’m Not Using My Degree in My Current Job and I Dropped Out Of My Law Degree – Here’s Why I’m The Happiest I’ve Ever Been.
You might also like
More from Real Skills
How I Saved Almost RM50,000 On Buying My First Car
Here's how this Malaysian man with a RM3,500 salary saved RM50,000 on his first car.
Angry M’sian Boss Demands Unpaid Overtime Over Raya, Causes 9 Staff To Quit
An anonymous employee at a local SME shares how a bad-tempered boss eventually caused 9 staff to quit before Hari …
I Studied In Chinese School As A Malay Boy, Here’s What I Learnt
Every time I used Mandarin outside of school, family members would come up to me at gatherings and ask me …
