Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
As little kids we believe everything our parents say — until reality comes knocking and we start to realize that some things parents say might not be completely true. Whether trying to protect their children from the harsh facts of the world, delay a difficult conversation, or just have a little fun with fiction, all parents have probably told more than a few white lies.
Here are some of the biggest lies parents tell, including some they may even believe themselves that need debunking.
1. “I found you in a (insert random place)!”
“Basically, I was told I got picked up from the kopitiam because I look Chinese (we have only one Chinese ancestor – a Nyonya great grandma), especially when compared to the rest of my family. I’m the fairest and I also have more Chinese facial features.”
“So the only reasonable explanation? I was picked up at a random place. No science, just that.”
Honorable mentions include: longkang, dumpster, pasar, tepi jalan, etc. This just feels like the Malaysian version of the “stork brought you to our home” story Western children get.
2. “If you do not finish the rice on your plate, your future wife will have a lot of pimples.”
Ahh yes, the classic tale of an acne-defined future partner was the only motivation for us kids to clean our plates of rice. We didn’t care about wasting food, or any pantangs about throwing rice away. We just wanted our future spouses to have a smooth face (way to indoctrinate your kids with beauty standards, parents!).
Our parents, on the other hand, might have had a different agenda.
3. “Don’t use short pencils unless you want to grow an extra finger.”
Now, this one is just straight up creepy. Imagine believing as a kid that you can actually gain a deformity by using up the end bits of a wooden pencil. Ironically, according to Malaysian parents, wasting rice is not okay, but we should always throw away pencils that still work perfectly fine.
4. “If you swallow a watermelon seed, a tree will grow in your tummy.”
I guess you can justify this by parents wanting their kids to avoid choking on seeds or possibly having indigestion. But it’s all fun and games until some child gets excited over the idea of having a tree in their tummy.
5. “If you crack your fingers too much, you’ll grow to have King Kong fingers.”
Whether there’s a scientific reason, or if it’s just annoying to hear the cracking, we can agree it’s ultimately a bad habit. But as an adult, I like to think that no matter how extreme my habit gets, growing fur on my hands as a result seems like a little bit of a stretch.
6. “If you don’t study hard you have to be a garbage man (or some other looked-down-upon occupation) in the future.”
Waste collectors doing their job as usual as they are essential works.
Let me make one thing clear: there is nothing wrong with being a garbage man, but it is not everyone’s ideal job because it is very strenuous work for little pay.
This lie guarantees a 90% success rate that will last for approximately five minutes when parents use this on their children. Until the kids grow old enough to question the logic, of course.
7. “If you don’t listen to me I will call the abang polis.”
Looking back, all this was to kids was a popular unrealistic threat – one that didn’t seem very unrealistic at the time. But one thing is for sure, it’s way overused. You give something up too often and you take away its power. Take note parents!
8. “Don’t sit too close to the TV, or else you will literally go inside it.”
Like #4, very reasonable. Parents might not want their children’s eyes to be damaged, or in the case of Chinese parents, fork out a large chunk of money for glasses, especially when it’s unnecessary and can be easily avoided.
But again, it’s all good until the kids want to be fighting crimes next to Batman every evening at 6pm.
9. Everything bad happens because you didn’t drink enough water or you overused the computer/phone
It doesn’t matter if you are having a headache, sprained your ankle, or you just forgot to bring your books to school. Your parents always know exactly what’s up since they are medically qualified by the School of Hard Knocks and the University of Life. The reason — you didn’t finish your water bottle from yesterday.
Similarly, parents also attribute all minor and major illnesses to the overuse of the computer or phone. Got the flu? “Go la, use handphone some more!”
10. “Your nose will grow if you lie.”
To keep kids from lying, parents ironically tell a lie of their own. But I’m sure kids eventually likely realize that their noses didn’t grow like Pinocchio’s after fibbing one too many times — but there’s a bit of truth to the idea that the nose can give away a lie. So I guess parents weren’t entirely lying either.
Your parents still love you nonetheless
They may have double standards in their parenting – like how they can tell blatant lies and you can’t. But 10 years down the road, you will be laughing it off like how we are now!
For more stories like this, read: I’m A Stay-At-Home Dad And It Was The Best Decision I Ever Made and My Perspective of Malaysian Mothers-In-Law as One Myself
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