My older sister and I have always had a love-hate relationship, as most siblings do. I would be proud of her one minute for having done great for exams, and cursing at her at the top of my lungs over something small the next.
But it was important that we stuck by each other through thick and thin. She was the only one there for me when I had my first ever break up at the age of 19, and I was the first person she called when she lost her first ever job. It became second nature to ride the waves and celebrate with each other as it was to cry together.
But what I found in my abang ipar’s (brother-in-law’s) phone tainted our sisterly bond forever.
How I was first introduced to Zain
Adryanna met Zain back in 2012 when she was in college at the time and I was still in Form 4.
They were just friends back then, so I would often see him along with some of their other friends over at our house. My parents were always very welcoming to our friends, since my mum would make sure they’re all well fed and get to know each one of them personally. Everyone loved coming over.
At the time, I wasn’t too close to many of my sister’s friends, but Zain was one of them whom I easily got along with. I remember him helping me with my add maths homework when I was still new at it.
Over the years, I saw my sister’s heart get broken and mended repeatedly by Zain. Their relationship developed over time, yet nothing ever felt consistent.
There were many difficult times for her, which also made them just as difficult for me. It was obvious that Adryanna was head over heels for him, because all we ever talked about when it came to boys was about him.
I was still in the loop at this rollercoaster stage of my sister’s relationship with him. I would often see him along with other friends over at my house.
My relationship with Zain specifically never really extended past the vicinity of casual conversations and him helping me out with college work every now and then.
Zain eventually became family
In 2015, Adryanna and Zain eventually picked up their romantic relationship right where they left off. They were now exclusive and committed to one another, and I would see him a lot more than I usually had.
Jokes like “Bila nak kahwin?” and “Anak nak berapa?” were fired at them by family members on the regular. At this point, it became more and more apparent to me that he was a potential brother-in-law.
One thing led to another and they eventually tied the knot in 2018. And obviously, I couldn’t be any happier for my big sister!
Since then, my relationship with Zain only grew as we started living under the same roof. We broke past the barricade of only limiting ourselves to empty conversations and school work. I genuinely felt like he was a part of the family and I was comfortable around him.
Since me and Adryanna were already inseparable in the first place, a typical day of hanging out would consist of me, my sister, and her husband.
In fact, looking back, oftentimes he would insist on making it a point to only hang out when I’m around. But of course, no bells rang for me at the time and if anyone brought it up, everything was always played off as banter.
I found pictures of myself in Zain’s phone
In 2019, my sister and her husband took a trip to the islands of Maldives for a little getaway.
When they returned, my sister couldn’t wait to show me pictures that had been taken of the holiday on Zain’s phone while he was in the shower. We went through them one by one together, and when she turned away to reply to some texts on her own phone, I carried on scrolling leisurely.
And that’s when I saw it.
I was swiping away on Zain’s phone when I came across explicit photos of myself by accident.
There were more than a handful of them. I freaked out. How did he get these pictures? How long has he had these pictures?
It was all too sudden. I couldn’t bring myself to alert my sister or display any reaction at all. My emotions overwhelmed me, and I had so many questions running through my head.
Those pictures were never uploaded anywhere. They were personal, and I was the only person in the entire world who had a single copy of them in my phone. The most important question that drowned the others out was: Why does he have them??
I felt physically ill. Putting the phone down, I went straight to my room without saying a word to my sister.
Until today, I still couldn’t understand why I didn’t just alert Adryanna right there and then. Maybe it was the sudden gush of embarrassment and disgust.
I spent that evening locked up in the room for hours, crying, trying to comprehend what I just witnessed. I even second-guessed myself, maybe I had been mistaken on whether I’d even seen the correct photos?
Whether or not there was a possible justification or explanation behind all this, nothing made it seem any less realistic or disgusting.
This was the same 18-year-old boy that I met when I was 16, whose advice I took all the way to my SPM, the same guy who ate my mother’s cooking, and not to mention the same guy who married my sister. I was violated by him.
The last thing on my mind at the time was coming forward with it to my parents. If I did that, it would not only break the hearts of my parents who accepted this man into our family, but it would destroy the relationship that my sister took many years to build with him. I couldn’t do it.
Days went by before I even could look him in the eye while we were still living under the same roof.
I avoided him when I could and barely said a word when we were together with the family for the longest time. Not because I didn’t know what to say or how to act around him, but because I could never forgive him for what he did.
Zain finally broke that silence by the end of that week when it became obvious to him that I grew distant to not only him, but to Adryanna as well. He sent me a few text messages.
When I received these texts, it was like a punch in the face for me. I kept thinking, “Are you f**king kidding me??”, “How could he have the f**king audacity to text me while putting on a front of a saint when he knows that he’s anything but one?”
Those were one of the last interactions ever between me and Zain, be it digitally, or in real life. It was right there and then that I decided to not associate with him anymore.
The present & my final thoughts
Since then, I’ve just been living my own life while he lives his with Adryanna, who I have also drifted away from. I could never just redevelop that special relationship with her again while pretending nothing ever happened no matter how hard I’ve tried.
Our relationship had been tainted forever.
They eventually moved out of my parents’ house to a place of their own, and despite having a physical gap between us, it didn’t make it any easier for me to say goodbye to my sister, the closest person I had been living with all my life.
I still think about it every once in a while, and I don’t think it’s something I will ever learn to swallow. Nor do I think I even want to. I don’t know if this episode will ever come to an end.
Do I think that he at least deserves the opportunity to explain what I found in his phone a couple years back? Maybe. But I don’t know if I’m actually ready to even have the slightest thought of revisiting that February afternoon. Not right now, at least.
I don’t even know if I regret keeping all this to myself, or whether I should have come forward with it the minute I had the chance to.
I’ve been very clueless about a lot of things, but the one thing I am certain of is that I would never hurt my family.
On the other hand, I could have admitted to myself sooner that it was another person who split us blood sisters apart. That person just so happened to be my once-cherished brother-in-law.
* Names have been changed for anonymity
For more stories like this, read: My Sister And I Were Separated For Almost 3 Decades. This Is How We Reconnected. and I Found Out That Scammers Are Stealing Women’s Photos From Social Media And Posing As Sugar Mummies.
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