Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
We’ve all had our fair share of stories regarding the abuse we face in school, specifically by the very people who were in charge of our well-being— our very own teachers.
But let’s talk about the religious studies teachers (Ustazah) who should have guided us in the right direction, but instead pushed us away from religion.
A Religion Of Peace
I was at that age where I was still learning to love the beauty of Islam, which I now associate with peace and mindfulness. As a mere child, I had to rely on the Ustaz and Ustazah to show me that religion can be full of compassion and understanding.
However, there was one Ustazah in particular who gave me the impression that Islam was hateful and aggressive.
My faith wasn’t strong to begin with, and because of how she bullied me, it felt like she was truly pushing me out of my own religion.
A Grown Woman Bullying A Literal Child
I believe I was the target of her bullying because my best friend at school didn’t wear the hijab. She was the only Muslim in that school who didn’t.
She once criticised my friend with threats of eternal damnation for not covering her modesty (tutup aurat). But after that one incident, my friend immediately told her mother, who had no issue with .
The ustazah had to sit through a meeting with my friend’s mother, where she said: “I teach my children that wearing the hijab is a personal choice. Are you saying I’m a bad mother? If you come after my daughter again, I will expose you for how aggressive your “nasihat” really is.”
Instead of reflecting on her actions, the Ustazah was furious. But since she wasn’t able to target my friend, she started picking on me instead whenever she saw us together.
But since I was wearing the hijab, she couldn’t think of anything to criticise me for, so she started harassing me for the harmless act of having my sleeves rolled up to my elbows.
At first, I took her advice in a good way—like, she meant well and was trying to help me become a better Muslim. But I also struggled with eczema, which would worsen when I sweated.
Eczema and asthma? Bet… [image provided by armani]
She especially hated when I stood up for myself by trying to explain or laugh off the mistake.
On the last day of school, she saw me with my sleeves rolled up, and she said, “Why bother pushing your sleeves down? Might as well just cut your whole arm off.”
I told her to “Why don’t you do it then,” because I was sick of this treatment and it would be the last time I saw her. I walked away and she called me rude, but at least I never had to listen to her voice ever again.
“Setitik Nila, Rosak Susu Sebelengga”A Rotten Apple Spoils The Whole Barrel
Once, we were having our weekly Yaasin recitation session at the School Hall, and they had invited a woman to give a talk at the end of the session. My memory is very hazy, as this was almost a decade ago, but I remember one part of her talk that stayed with me for years.
She started the whole session by talking about choosing the right place to eat, but she wasn’t basing it on the cleanliness of the place or even if the place is halal or not. Instead, she talked about choosing somewhere that has proper Muslims serving you—the kind to cover their aurah.
[source: kh tan on pexels]
The story went on to be about her experience at a Malay stall. She proudly explained how she made a complete stranger take her order, pack her food in front of her, and pass her the food, only for her to reject it because “awak tak pakai tudung.” (You’re not wearing the hijab).
I Wasn’t The Only One Experiencing This Kind of Treatment
I had a friend, Dienna who shared her own experience with a particularly horrible Ustazah when she was 11 years old. Her parents sent her to a religious class after school (KAFA) and it was here that she says she had to face mental and physical abuse from an Ustazah that she describes as “mentally insane.”
“She literally forced us to leave our school an hour early so we could shower before coming to KAFA because she told us, ‘Aku benci budak bau macam taik’ (I hate kids who smelled like poop),” shared Dienna.
That was just the tip of the iceberg, folks.
Her method of teaching was mostly memorizing materials. To prove that they’ve memorised the materials, the Ustazah would have them recite all that they remembered. If a student failed, she would slap them with the hardcover book, and if the student forgot their book, she’d slap them with her hand.
This Ustazah would throw the holy Quran onto the floor for students to shamelessly pick up, in her words, “macam anjing” (like dogs.)
[source: felipe cespedes on pexels]
However, Dienna was able to finally escape this horror when she fell ill a week before the examinations.
Her mother had to call the Ustazah to give the medical certificate for proof of illness, to which the Ustazah replied, “Oh, pemalas punya budak… mengadu lah tu. Aku sepak dia.” (“Oh she’s such a lazy child. I bet she told you about me. I’ll slap her”).
Finally, Dienna’s mother believed her – apologising for letting her sit through those 2 years of torture. She let Dienna stay home for the whole week instead of going to school.
Dienna only came for the exams which she passed with flying colours.
After she got her UPSR results, she showed her results to the Ustazah and said, “Here’s the dog you hate so much. Your son only got 4As and I got 6As.”
Dienna told IRL: “It was petty, but it satisfied me greatly to say that to her face. So, I left and never returned.”
“Iman Senipis Kulit Bawang” My faith became as thin as the skin of an onion.
After leaving high school, I struggled to see how Islam could be a religion of peace. It wasn’t purely because of the Ustazah, of course, there were other instances I’ve had with people I encountered who shared the same mindset as her.
I saw myself so differently from them, and I was basing the entire religion on these handfuls of people who were so horrible to me that I thought it wasn’t for me.
But as time went on, I met other Muslims who were able to show me that it didn’t have to be that way.
Islam IS a beautiful religion, and these people who are spreading hate, and harassing other people in the name of “dakwah”… well, they just don’t define the whole of Islam.
[source: chattrapal (shitij) singh on pexels]
Personally, I know I’m not a perfect Muslim, but I believe in my faith, and I’m well aware that I have more to learn.
The most that another person can do for me on my journey to self-improvement is to pray that I get to where I need to be in the end.
Do you know anyone with an interesting story to share? Drop us an email at hello@inreallife.my and we may feature the story.
For more stories like this, read:
How Religious Teachers in Malaysia Brainwashed Me As A Child
Malaysians Share Stories About Their Favourite And Least Favourite School Teachers
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