Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Many of us experienced plenty of upheaval in response to the pandemic – the restrictions have been necessary in curbing risks of transmission. People have lost their jobs, their lives, and loved ones because of the virus. Yet despite the rates of vaccination going speedily, and booster shots slowly becoming more available to the general public, Malaysians with foreign spouses and partners have been unable to reunite for more than a year.
These are the stories of 5 couples who have yet to see their partners again:
1. Siti – “I have called him up to 10 times a day because of how much I miss him.”
Siti is a Malaysian whose fiance is from the UK. The last time they managed to meet was before the outbreak of the pandemic. They got engaged online, and are hoping to get married soon.
Unfortunately, they have been unable to proceed with their wedding plans because his My Travel Pass (MTP) application was rejected twice. The reason given for the rejection was “non-essential”.
She checks the news every day, hoping for some sign that she can be with her partner again. One of their plans is to meet in Thailand, or some other country that does allow international visitors.
Siti and her partner do video call each other a lot, but it’s just not the same.
Meanwhile, she has seen other couples break up over this enforced separation. “One of my friends just putus tunang,” she said. “She told me, ‘it’s too hard for us’.”
Siti feels both depressed and frustrated at the situation, helpless as she waits.
2. Ayu – “It’s the uncertainty that gets to us the most.”
Ayu is stuck in Kuching while her fiance is working in the US. They last met in September 2019.
They were supposed to get married in October 2020, and had paid all of the deposits for their wedding early. Unfortunately, they’ve had to postpone their wedding about 3 – 4 times now because her fiance is unable to enter Malaysia. Ayu feels a lot of embarrassment about this, although the situation is understandable.
“I don’t feel confident flying to the US to see him,” she said, telling me about her high-risk family members. She hasn’t really gone out despite the easing of local restrictions, because one of her aunts is a COVID survivor who had to be intubated during her battle with the virus.
The depression and anxiety surrounding the forced separation from her partner and the uncertainty over their wedding has caused Ayu to lose 15 kg.
As for her partner, he hasn’t slept in for 2 years now as he has had to wake up early in the morning to talk to her because of their 15 hour time difference.
Still, she feels empathy for those in similar situations, and she feels the saddest for parents who are separated from their children.
3. Alya – “I delivered our daughter without him.”
Alya is an Indonesian woman with a Malaysian partner. She last visited him in March 2020 for Chinese New Year with his family, and during that visit they discovered her pregnancy. He told her that they should get married, and she returned to Indonesia to retrieve her documents.
But then the borders closed and Alya was forced to remain in Indonesia, delivering their child without her partner. Their daughter is over a year old now, but she has never gotten to meet her father properly. Alya told me that their daughter is excited every time her father calls, and that her partner is equally enamored with their child – he calls every hour to manja with his daughter.
She has been applying for the MTP since December 2020, and has been rejected each time.
“How many times did you apply?” I asked her.
“More than 25 times now? I can’t remember the number anymore,” she replied.
The entire experience has been frustrating for Alya, who is trying to remain strong and positive for her daughter’s sake. “I feel like I want to give up… but I look at my daughter and I try again.”
Despite everything, her love for her partner is obvious. “How lucky am I to have him!” she exclaimed. “He’s still waiting for us.”
4. Sue – “We’re kinda unlucky. We got married in the US during the pandemic.”
Separated by distance for 16 months now, Sue and her husband were not able to endorse their marriage with Malaysia. When they got married in the US, the Malaysian consulate was closed and they both lost their jobs.
Sue received an offer to work in the Malaysian office of the company she was employed under, and she had to go as neither she nor her husband could afford both of them being jobless.
She left the US pregnant with their first child. She reached Malaysia safely, and during the second week of her quarantine, she miscarried. The doctors told her that many things may have gone wrong with the pregnancy, but also that the miscarriage could have been caused by the stress she was under.
To worsen the situation, a few days after her miscarriage, the US Malaysian consulate contacted her to let her know that it was now open for appointments so they can endorse their marriage. Unfortunately, they were now separated by COVID restrictions and both of them are required to be physically present for the process.
Her husband has applied for the MTP, but his application was rejected for being “non-essential”.
Fortunately, she and her husband have maintained their sense of humour, although the strain on them is evident. Her husband now suffers from symptoms of depression, while she finds herself stricken with anxiety and insomnia which she tries to keep at bay by being busy.
A major source of comfort to Sue is the Facebook group Love Is Not Tourism Malaysia. “I feel it helps a lot, at least to know I’m not the only one,” she told me, elaborating on how people here regard Malaysian women who marry foreigners. “I get comments like who ask you to marry non Malaysian man?”
Sue is waiting on a US job visa for herself, and an MTP approval for her husband.
5. Natalie – “The time for us to meet again seems to move further and further away.”
The Dutch partner of a Malaysian, Natalie is the founder of the Love Is Not Tourism Malaysia Facebook group. She created a Malaysian-centric group as she realised that the international movement “kind of abandoned us” as borders began to open up in Western countries.
She has known her partner for 12 years now and they started off as online friends who have had the opportunity to meet each other in real life multiple times. They eventually ended up dating and were planning their marriage until lockdowns were rolled out internationally.
Natalie has only recently applied for the MTP, as she was previously concerned about the spike in COVID cases that Malaysia had experienced until rapid vaccination eased the curve.
She has yet to receive a response regarding her application, but “we’ll see”. One of her concerns about the MTP is that guidelines aren’t clear for couples who were not officially married yet. “What kind of documentation do you even use for this situation? We don’t even have a category for those of us who are unmarried.”
“At this point, it feels like it’s up to the official’s discretion,” she said, citing examples from what she has seen on the Facebook group. “You see two couples attach the same documentation, but one will be approved and the other will be rejected.”
Natalie copes by focusing on the Facebook group. She hopes to raise more awareness and provide support for others in the same situation. It also helps her feel like she’s doing something.
About her relationship she said, “It helps that we’ve known each other for a really long time, and we’re used to being long-distance, but we do try to have fun together instead of focusing on when we’ll see each other next.”
Yet, at the same time, she does feel a lot of sadness. “It’s quite depressing not knowing when our marriage will be.”
The restrictions have been put in place to protect the population from the deadly virus, but it must be asked: why are these people still separated if international travel is allowed and regulations (such as enforced quarantine, checking vaccination certificates, testing, etc.) are in place?
The foreign spouses hoping to meet their loved ones in Malaysia are clearly not intending to come here for any other reason. Globalisation has made it easier for Malaysians to find love with people from many different places, and they should not be punished for it.
With the opening of interstate travel, local families have been able to balik kampung and visit each other. It is now only those separated by countries who have yet to meet.
For more stories like this, read: I’m a Malaysian Frontliner with a Nigerian Spouse, And My Country Separated Us for 180 Days and My Grandfather Passed Away While I Was Stranded In Thailand Due To The Lockdown.
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