Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
This story is about a woman who went on an extreme diet based on eggs & bananas to win her ex boyfriend back. Here’s what happened:
“What’s the matter?” I asked. “You’re acting really strange lately.”
I reached out for his hand as we sat in a busy coffee shop. He had been very quiet lately and I couldn’t figure out what was up.
Just as my fingers brushed against the palm of his hand, he immediately pulled away and said the words that felt like a thousand needles piercing my heart.
“I don’t think we should continue seeing each other anymore,” he said.
Breaking up made me feel insecure about my weight
Two years down the drain, just like that. I remember the carefree times when we were still in high school. He was my girlfriend’s older brother and I had a huge crush on him.
When he asked me out, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I had bagged one of the cutest boys in school. However, because he was so popular, I was constantly jealous of the girls he interacted with.
Every other girl looked prettier and more accomplished than I was. To me, it was only a matter of time until he discovered that I wasn’t good enough. So when he no longer wanted to be with me anymore, it actually came as no surprise.
After he uttered those words, I quietly nodded, went home, and cried for days, all the while trying to figure out what I did wrong.
Finally, I came to the conclusion: I was too overweight, and that was why he didn’t want me anymore.
I wanted to become skinny to get his attention back
After the break up, I stalked him on his social media accounts constantly. I learned that he had a lot of female friends on Facebook. They were all pretty and slim, a far cry from what I was.
Maybe this is what he’s looking for in a partner: A young, pretty girl with slender hips, tiny waist and long, swishy hair that could make one swoon.
It was then and there I decided that I was gonna become one of those girls, by starving myself.
If he saw me losing weight on social media, maybe he would take me back, and we’d be happy together once again.
I went on an extreme diet of eggs and bananas
I first started out by skipping meals such as breakfast. Then, I also started skipping dinner. What’s a few calories less? I could go a little longer without food.
Within the next few days, I dropped a few kilos. Encouraged by the results, I ate even less.
After a while, my everyday meals were reduced to only two eggs and some bananas.
In our Malaysian culture, we’re all about eating, so going out for meals with friends and family was tough. Every time they insisted I eat with them, I would feel nothing but disgust and shame.
I was thinking, I didn’t deserve to eat any of the good food laid out, as I was still too fat. So, I would force myself to eat something to avoid any questions, then cry myself to sleep at night.
2 months after I started my ‘diet’, I looked in the mirror and saw I was nearly skin and bones.
Every time my stomach grumbled, I ignored her pleas to nurture the body for fear that all my work would be undone. Gastric became an everyday friend, with sharp pains piercing my guts and the feeling of being faint soon felt normal.
“It’ll be worth it,” I told myself. “Soon, he’ll take notice and fall in love with me again. I’m sure he will. I’m sure.”
I posted my weight transformation on social media
As the weight fell off, I began posting my ‘results’ on social media. Each time I hit the ‘Post’ button, I felt a sense of accomplishment.
I was skinny, maybe even skinnier than the other girls he liked. Surely he would notice me again.
As the comments flooded in, some congratulated me, telling me: “You look great!” But others expressed their concerns, saying: “You’ve lost too much weight! You need help.”
Yet the one and only person that mattered did not react at all. I searched for his profile, hoping that perhaps he was busy and hadn’t seen my pics yet.
No results.
I looked through our old chats, hoping that I could find him there. His profile was blank — and that’s when I realised he had blocked me.
My whole world crumbled and I felt my heart break all over again.
All this time, I had allowed myself to abuse my body for someone who didn’t care.
It was then that I realised how stupid and vain my attempts were at pursuing something so shallow.
I learnt to love myself again
In the end, I couldn’t make him fall in love with me. But at that moment, I realised I could still learn to love myself.
I deleted all my silly posts and all my pictures. Slowly, I began eating again, and started learning healthy ways to improve my diet.
At first I would panic, when the weight started coming in again. But I kept reminding myself that I needed the weight, so I pushed on.
As I grew confident in myself, I started making changes – getting new clothes, having a manicure, getting my hair done.
I may have put on a few pounds since then, but when I look in the mirror, I still see a gorgeous girl who has come so far. She glows from the inside and out, and most of all, I knew that she was enough and she didn’t need to be validated by anybody.
I felt healthy, happy, and beautiful.
What I learnt from my experience
Looking back at that horrible breakup, I’m thankful he did not take me back. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have found the self-esteem that I have now. Honestly, it was the best breakup that ever happened to me.
If I were to go back in time to meet my younger self, I’d tell her this:
#1. Beauty is a state of mind.
Beautiful people have a positive mindset. It doesn’t matter what shape or size they are, but when you see a beautiful person, you can tell by their smile and confidence that glows inside and out.
#2. Surround yourself with the right people.
Always surround yourself with positive people and stay far away from the ones who bring you down. You are the average of the people you choose to be with.
#3. Change for yourself.
If you’re working on your self-confidence, identify what’s in your control. You can change aspects of your life which you’re unhappy about. If something doesn’t make you happy, find other things that do. Most of all, do it for YOU and no one else.
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Read also: I’ve Been a Foreigner in Malaysia for Over 10 Years, Here’s Why I’m Leaving
I’ve Been a Foreigner in Malaysia for Over 10 Years, Here’s Why I’m Leaving
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