This story is an anonymous submission by a M’sian woman who had been visiting her husband’s family each Chinese New Year without fail, until this year.
When I first got married to Jimmy (anonymised), I didn’t think much about where we would celebrate Chinese New Year. Back then, everything was sweet and I just followed him wherever. His kampung, his rules. Love makes you blind, right?
But after a few years, I started to notice a pattern: every year, we went to his parents’ place, and never mine. At first, I told myself, “Never mind lah, it’s just tradition.” After all, he’s the eldest son, and tradition is important, kan? But it was every year.
My family’s CNY was a distant memory
Growing up, CNY was a big deal at my parents’ house. My Ah Ma would make her famous pineapple tarts, and my Ah Gong would tell stories about the good ol’ days.
My siblings and I would decorate the house with lanterns and angpow packets folded into weird shapes.
But since I got married, I started missing out. My siblings would send me photos and videos, and I’d feel a bit… left out. Like, why can’t I have a turn?
Every time I brought it up, Jimmy would say, “Your family okay one lah. They understand. But my parents need us more.”
The Tension Builds
Last year, I finally couldn’t tahan anymore. “Eh, Jimmy,” I said, “why every year must be your parents’ house? My parents also got feelings, you know?”
He gave me the same excuse: “Aiyo, dear, my parents old already. What if this year is their last CNY?”
“You say that every year!” I shot back. “What about my parents? They not getting any younger either, okay?”
It turned into a proper fight: He said I was being unreasonable, and I said he was selfish. We didn’t talk properly for days.
Even when we did go to his parents’ place that year, the mood was awkward. Everyone knew we were fighting no matter how quick we said we weren’t!
A Different Perspective
One day, while having lunch with my best friend, Mei Ling, I poured my heart out to her. Mei Ling, as usual, didn’t hold back.
“Girl, your husband is not the only one with parents, you know. Stand up for yourself! Next year, you just tell him straight: my parents’ place or nothing.”
Her words stuck with me. Was I being too soft all this while? Or maybe I just didn’t know how to communicate properly with Jimmy?
This Year’s Big Plan
So this year, I decided to take action. Before Jimmy could start his usual, “We go my parents’ place, okay?” in the week or so before Chinese New year, I took Mei Ling’s advice and got in first, “Jimmy, this year we’re going to my parents’ house for CNY. Full stop.”
He looked at me like I announced I wanted to move to Mars. “Hah? Why?”
“Because it’s fair, and it’s my turn.” I stayed firm. “You always say your parents old, but mine also lah. And you know what? Ah Ma misses you. She even bought your favourite pineapple tarts this year.”
We fought, and we disagreed about this, but I was tired of not seeing my parents at CNY. I stood my ground when he tried to insist. I told him he would be sleeping on the couch or I would. That night? I slept on the couch.
And I slept there for another two nights before making up the bed in the guest room and sleeping there. I refused to speak to him unless absolutely necessary, and even then, I kept it to one word answers whenever possible. My husband tried talking me round, but I refused. And held firm.
It had been ten days. I was preparing ang pows for our nephews and nieces on my side of the family, when he finally cracked and came to talk to me about it. I waited. And all he did was nod, very slowly and say, “Okay-lah. This year, we go to your parents’ house. Try and see how ok?”
CNY at My Parents’ House
When we arrived at my parents’ place, it felt like coming home again. Ah Ma was over the moon to see us, and Ah Gong even joked, “Wah, Jimmy finally let you come back ah?”
My siblings were happy to see us too, and for once, I felt like my family was complete. Even Jimmy seemed to enjoy himself. Ah Ma’s cooking worked its magic on him, and he even helped Ah Gong with some decorations.
It wasn’t perfect—Jimmy kept checking his phone to see how things were going at his parents’ place—but it was a start.
Finding Balance
After the celebrations, Jimmy admitted something I never expected. “Actually, your parents’ place not bad lah. Quite nice also to relax and not worry so much.”
I laughed. “See? Told you. My family won’t bite one.”
We decided that from now on, we’d alternate every year. One year at his parents’ place, and the next at mine. It felt like a small victory, but to me, it was a big step towards equality in our marriage.
Reflection
This year, I finally got to share my family’s CNY with Jimmy. And next year? Well, I’m ready to head back to his parents’ place. But at least now I know my voice matters too.
Looking back, I realize it wasn’t just about CNY. It was about respect and compromise.
Marriage is not just about one person’s traditions or priorities — it’s about finding a balance that works for both and making space for each other’s needs. Otherwise there are no winners, just losers in the marriage.
What do you think of this story?
Let us know in the comments!
Submit your story to hello@inreallife.my and you may be featured on In Real Life Malaysia.
More from Real Relationships
“I Got Pregnant By A Stranger Before CNY and My Mother Told The Whole Family,” Shares Young M’sian Woman
This story is about a young woman who dreads facing her extended family during Chinese New Year after her mother …
“My Husband or My Family? I’m Stuck Between Two Worlds This Chinese New Year,” Shares Conflicted M’sian Woman
This anonymous submission is by a woman who is torn between visiting her grandma for Chinese New Year and staying …
My Parents Skipped My Wedding Because I Married Before My “Perfect” Twin Sister
This story is about a M’sian woman who spent her life living in her sister’s shadow, only to find freedom …
