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Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Malaysia has some really great food. The diversity of our country is reflected in the variety of food you can access all day long. We joke about how Malaysia’s rates of obesity reflect our amazing food culture.
But what’s funny is how much Malaysians hate fat people, projecting onto them ideas and fantasies about what they’re like or even flat out commenting on how disgusting fat bodies are to them.
Although Malaysians have (to some extent) accepted the diversity of skin colours, cultures and traditions in the country, for the most part we have yet to accept the diversity of bodies.
Well, fat people in Malaysia have revealed these 6 things that they struggle with:
1. Unsolicited comments or advice
Fat people are rarely allowed to exist as they are. They often receive insults about their weight on social media, comments about weight gain, and advice as to how to lose weight. This happens all the time, even when unprompted.
Imagine living a life in which everyone believes something about your body is terribly flawed and lets you know this every single day. That’s the reality of life as a fat person.
A fat lady, Rina, confided in me that she hates how people tell her she’s so confident in her pictures when she’s really just existing.
“It makes me feel like they’re saying ‘oh I could never love myself at your weight’ like as though either of those are a choice for me.”
2. Strong fear of things “normal people” don’t even think about
There is always the concern of clothes never fitting and the fear of something tearing while they’re out.
Or maybe the fear of a chair not being able to take their weight and breaking under them in front of everyone.
There is also the valid fear of not being able to fit into places like seats on airplanes and public transportation. Some fat people are forced to buy two seats on the plane when they travel because they know that not doing so would result in discomfort and there is always the fear that they would be blamed for spilling over onto the next seat.
Thinner people find it very easy to laugh at fat people, and they naturally feel anxiety over this happening every time they have to leave the comfort of their homes.
3. Non fat people talking about their weight to them
It’s not just the social media posts about large dinners and a dessert after tagged #fatdieme. People who aren’t fat seem to fixate on their weight in a way fat people are tired of doing.
Dylan is a fat man who has to put up with this a lot. He has come to dread social meetings with friends who keep going on about how much weight they’ve gained.
Most of the time it’s done to fish for compliments (“you’re not fat!”), but it all serves to reinforce the idea that hey, at least you’re not one of those fat people we all make fun of.
4, Bias and discrimination based on how they look
All of the consideration we give people seems to go out the window when it comes to those who happen to be fat. I remember one night I was out with a girlfriend. She spotted a couple: the man was fit and conventionally attractive and his girlfriend was fat.
“How disgusting,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “He’s too hot to be with her.”
On top of that, they face people thinking that they reek of body odour or that they are disgusting in some way that is additional to their fatness.
5. Being treated as though they are less than human
Dylan told me about the struggles he faced with being dehumanised – it has come to the point where he does it to himself without thinking. He has no trouble with thinking about other people as deserving love and care, but he finds it an uphill battle to think about himself the same way.
He has been fat since a child, and has consequently been treated the way fat people are treated from childhood. The damage to his psyche has been enormous, and despite years of being in therapy, he still cannot think of himself as human.
He has a habit of rejecting himself before others can do it to him as a defense mechanism. He also feels strange in social situations that are comfortable and supportive – these are two things he rarely experiences.
6. Medical negligence
Dylan tried seeking a psychiatrist for his mental health issues, and he went to a general practitioner to secure himself a referral. Yet all they focused on was his weight. He has been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, depression and anxiety by his psychologist, but apparently all the doctors cared about was his weight.
[Trigger/content warnings for self harm, suicidal ideation]
I also spoke to Tricia, who had been a former athlete in her youth. She now has an average body type, but she remembers when she had first put on a little weight as a teen sportswoman.
“I’d gone in for a knee injury that was caused by competing in my sport,” she told me. “The doctor told me to lose some weight. I’ve had this injured knee forever! Why couldn’t he have just checked it?”
She also pointed out that she couldn’t have exercised on her injured knee.
Dylan does worry that his mental health history will not be taken seriously by his new psychiatrist.
Fat people are used to seeing representations of themselves that present them as a joke or as before pictures of weight loss schemes.
They are afforded dignity only if they’re actively doing something to prevent themselves from gaining weight or if they’re leading a “suitably” active lifestyle. Being fat is seen as a moral failure of some sort.
The lack of social acceptance for fat people means they tend to suffer from eating disorders, obsession with their weight and dangerous attempts to shed the weight.
Life as a fat person is a way of experiencing the worst of human nature, often justified by how unhealthy it is to be overweight. Funnily enough, obesity is an issue that is complex and cannot simply be reduced to an unhealthy BMI (which by the way, is a terrible indicator of health).
But here’s the thing: fat people are always going to exist.
We don’t have to make life unpleasant for them.
For more stories like this, read: “Wah, you so fat now” And Other Things Malaysians Need To Stop Saying At Social Functions, People Judged Me For Being In The Art Stream, Now I’m On My Way To Becoming A Lawyer, and I Was In Peralihan Because I Failed My BM Paper, Here’s What It’s Like.
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