Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
Malaysians are generally an effable lot – we’re pretty decent and kind people who show up consistently throughout any crisis. We’ve also got an amazing food culture thanks to our diversity.
However, despite all of that, we can be really toxic. Here are 5 of the worst parts of Malaysian culture:
1. Caring too much about what other people think or say
We still have a lot of stigma surrounding matters that should never have been stigmatised – like mental health, for example. When I first got on antidepressants, my family’s concern was “what will people say?” Now extrapolate that to everything.
Kid misbehaving? What will people say about your parenting?
Your parents aren’t happy together? But they won’t seek a divorce because “what will people say about our family”.
You’re fat and struggling with your weight and health concerns? “What will people say about you?”
Like most other Asian cultures, Malaysian culture is focused on community. The upside is that people will rally around you for support – but the downside is the concern about what they’ll say about you.
2. Malaysians love judging others, even if it’s none of their business!
To be fair to those who are constantly concerned about what people think about them, Malaysians can be very judgemental people.
What would you be judged on?
Everything, including:
- How you dress
- How much you make
- What you work as
- How you look
- Your mental health
- Disabilities
- Being too friendly
- And then kena judge if you’re acting too shy
- Everything!
Basically, you can expect Malaysians to judge you on every single thing about yourself.
3. Romanticising overwork
There are so many posts in the media about someone working long hours and multiple jobs. Besides that, we all know someone who does either (or maybe both…).
Sadly, this mentality is highly encouraged. It’s rare that someone actually says, “hey, maybe this person needs a break!” But even more unfortunately, the reality is that breaks are hard to come by.
Often, this culture of hustling and grinding is glorified – people wish that they were workaholics and those who already are are usually encouraged to keep going that way.
But it isn’t healthy. All humans require rest in order to function best. Working at your max without breaks is a sure way to burn out!
4. “Be grateful”
This is the most insidious aspect of toxic Malaysian culture. Have you ever tried complaining about something to someone (be it friends or family) and they rebuke you with a sharp reminder of everything you should be grateful for?
Complaints are barely tolerated here, whether valid or not. Here’s the thing: complaining about something can totally be a bonding experience! Unfortunately, Malaysians have little patience for it.
This element of Malaysian culture happens at all levels. The worst I’d ever personally experienced was when I was studying in uni. We had a lecturer who was condescending and unmotivating. As students, we filed a complaint about her, only to be told by the dean that we should be grateful for what she does for us.
Being told to be grateful for something while complaining is very invalidating. It shows the person that you aren’t listening to them and that you don’t care about the issue they’re raising. It lowers trust and can ultimately lead to the person no longer confiding in you.
Sometimes, all you need to do is listen.
5. Tegur culture
Have you ever been stopped by a “well-meaning” stranger only for them to lecture you? Maybe you’re Chindian and have to deal with the month-long agony of people mistaking you for a Malay during Ramadan, asking you why you’re not fasting. Or maybe you have random aunties telling you to cover up?
Tegur culture in Malaysia is meant to keep people in check but clearly some use it to express their power and privilege. Others use it as a soapbox to force their views onto other people.
I’ve been stopped by some Malay boys while filling up gas at a petrol station, asking me why I tak pakai tudung. The Malay ethnicity is a diverse one, and so those who are more ethnically ambiguous are often presumed to be Malay. Unfortunately, that was not the only time such a thing has happened to me. It’s quite tiring fending off these allegations that I’m a bad Muslim when I’m not even Muslim! I’m sure I’m not the only one with such bad experiences with being tegur-ed.
There are many good things about Malaysians – but just as many bad things
I suppose no one community is perfect and Malaysians definitely reflect that! Our culture does have some good traits, like how quickly people respond to help others. But everybody does love to be a hero – what Malaysian culture really needs is kind and compassionate people who are tolerant and understanding.
We definitely have those characteristics, but it’s still a long way before we outweigh our attitude problems.
For more stories like this, read: Malaysians Are Obsessed With Success & Accomplishments – Here’s Why We Need To Acknowledge Failure Too, The OKU Of Malaysia Are NOT A Burden: Discrimination Against And Misconceptions About Disability, and Malaysian Employers Think Raising The Minimum Wage Is A Bad Idea – Here’s Why They’re Wrong.
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