Every relationship is different. However, there is this long-standing belief that women aren’t as straightforward as men, especially when it comes to communicating or expressing their thoughts and emotions. In fact, there’s this long running joke that women always mean something else when she says, “I’m fine.”
Is this belief true? Or is it another one of those sexist myths that have become truth after being repeated countless times?
I speak to several women to try and find out if they’ve ever been less than honest in a relationship and their reasons behind it.
Hannah*, 27, has been in her current relationship for about 2 years now and going strong. She tells me she has yet to directly lie to her current boyfriend. “I really like him, and feel that I can be really honest with him without being judged.”
“However, in one of my previous relationships, I was with a really controlling guy. He got jealous so easily so I hid a lot of things from him. For example, one time when I went out on a girls’ night out with my friends, I told him I went and visited my Mom. I had to lie, otherwise, he would have started berating me about hanging out with my friends whom he considered ‘shallow’ and ‘silly’.
You can see why I ended the relationship, which was probably doomed from the start. Thankfully I did because he would have probably become more abusive.”
A.H.* says she has told white lies many times early on in a relationship. “For example, if he asks if I’m okay a certain decision, I’ll say I’m fine with it even if I have my own preference. I don’t want to burden them emotionally or make a big deal about an issue. However, after three or four years in the relationship, I feel like we’re familiar enough with one another to ask the right questions and respect each other for the answers we give.”
Maisarah* admits that she sometimes tells white lies too. “Usually I tell him stuff to get him to go somewhere with me. There was this one event which I was really into – a ball with a dance. He’s not into that kind of thing, so I actually told him a friend had bought a ticket and wasn’t going so I just had to go because I got free tickets. After that he finally went along.”
June, who identifies as bisexual, says that she can’t bring herself to tell her current boyfriend a secret of hers. “I hate kissing” she says.
“I think I’m way more OCD that I thought. Body fluids are gross for me and the thought of exchanging body fluids just makes me go ‘Eurgh’! Maybe it’s the technique though. Every time he does it, he goes all in and it feels like I’m being eaten alive. There’s tongue and everything… it’s disgusting!
“I realize this is totally me and not him. So right now I’ve chosen not to say anything.”
If these women’s stories tell us anything, it’s that women often hide their true feelings because they’re afraid. They’re afraid of hurting their partners or offending them. In truth, both men and women are capable of telling white lies in a relationship for whatever reason.
If these stories resound with you, tell us your own white-lies-in-a-relationship story in the comments!
*Names have been changed to protect their privacy
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