Disclaimer: In Real Life is a platform for everyday people to share their experiences and voices. All articles are personal stories and do not necessarily echo In Real Life’s sentiments.
This story is an anonymous submission about a woman in a loveless marriage with her husband who has not been intimate with her for more than 4 years.
Dear In Real Life Editor,
It’s been 1,500 days since my husband touched me.
Yes, you read that right, and yes, I’ve been keeping count. I’ve been married for six years now, with one kid who is four years old.
The last time my husband was intimate with me was a week before I gave birth to my son.
I think he’s disgusted with me.
For context, I got married when I was fairly young, at 23, fresh out of university and a fresh face in Malaysia’s TV industry.
My husband is considerably older than me, having just turned 45 last month. He’s never been married before, as he was focused on building his legacy.
He’s done well for himself. He comes from one of Malaysia’s richest families, yet he did his part to work hard and build multiple companies.
The first two years were blissful.
We traveled the world, were intimate at every given moment, we had privacy, and were ready to start a family after enjoying married life.
When I got pregnant, he treated me like a queen—gifts, holidays, and everything I could desire. Every day was like a dream.
It all changed when I got pregnant and only got worse when I gave birth. There were a couple of odd remarks he made about my weight and stretch marks, but, to be honest, I thought he was only joking.
Looking back, I realized he mostly dated stick-thin models and TV personalities and probably never saw a woman with stretch marks before.
My son’s birth was traumatic.
He had his umbilical cord compressed and wrapped around his neck, and they decided on an emergency C-section delivery. To this day, that was the most stressed I have ever been, as the doctors urged the C-section or else it could jeopardize his life.
All I remember was one minute I was going for my 39th-week checkup, and the next moment I was being wheeled into the operating theatre.
Obviously, I did not care that I was split open, as my son’s health was the top priority. But ever since that day, I feel like my husband secretly hated the fact I was “mutilated” with a huge scar that no longer made me attractive.
He has never tried to be intimate with me since we had our son, and when I make the first move, there’s always an excuse—tired, needing to wake up early, meeting prep, or one of the other reasons he has on rotation.
I’ve given up.
He made a comment about my body last week when I was going to the pool in my new bikini. It was something along the lines of my caesarean scar being visible and that I should probably wear a one-piece. I pretended not to hear him.
Now, I just try to enjoy my life as much as possible. He provides well financially, so I do not have to work or worry. From the outside, we look good together.
It pisses me off so much because when we are around others, he acts so loving, touching my hand, complimenting me, and telling people how lucky he is to have me.
Once, he even grabbed my ass in front of others to indicate his attraction toward me, but that only irritated me, knowing that behind closed doors, he never was intimate.
At this point, I don’t care anymore.
I just want to make sure my son has a good life, a good education, and is happy. I’m not even 30 years old, and I’m already in a dead-bedroom relationship.
Sometimes I fantasize about having an affair with our hot bodyguard, but I know I could never do that.
On days that I’m brave, I contemplate what life would be like if we got a divorce and I found someone else who was at least attracted to me.
For now, I distract myself with whatever new fitness classes are in trend or shopping, as if that would fulfill the desire. At least writing about it feels good—to finally let these thoughts out.
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Read also: An Elderly Woman Was Trapped By a “Mountain of Rubbish” in Her Own House and Had to Be Rescued
An Elderly Woman Was Trapped By a “Mountain of Rubbish” in Her Own House and Had to Be Rescued
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