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What my life has slowly morphed into?
Whenever the question lingers on my mind, resentment would wash through me, followed by a sense of yearning.
I was a normal kid with high hopes for the future.
I was a normal kid with high hopes for the future when I enrolled in a private university.
Being the firstborn in the family, I stepped out to the unknown world, a new phase of life, barely guided.
I was a science stream student, who, like all the others, I would say now, misguided by our a little too-conventional education system, that science is the next big thing and we are en-route to run the world.
Being in the middle class doesn’t help either.
Lacking exposure to those interesting and under-rated courses out there at that time, I chose to pursue my studies in my stronghold, Biology.
(Photograph by Kayla Chobotiuk)
I have never regretted the knowledge though. Biology IS interesting. And useful.
Fast forward 4 years, I graduated with a first-class degree.
Next came job seeking.
After 6 months of unemployment, I secured myself a clinical technician job in one of the well-known private hospitals in the country.
I was a fast learner. I was always curious and equipped with my better-than-average knowledge, soon I was earning myself praises by then-bosses.
It was hectic and I was tired, but I rejoiced in the learning process.
Then, reality hit hard.
I was tired of the long odd hour work routine (hospitals are 24 hours service).
After years of countless shifts, little to no increments, unnecessary bureaucracy, few changes of bosses, a change of management later, I was exhausted mentally and physically, my work-life balance was going into the drain.
At the same time, age was catching up.
Marriage happened. Parenthood happened. And it became worse.
But, being the technical person I always had been, I was able to overcome problems easier than others at work. Thinking back now, I was actually happy being a technician.
A decade passed. An unforeseen promotion.
I hesitated.
Being the introvert I am (not to mention social anxiety), I have always known that a technical job is what I am best at. Managing people was scary.
I refused at first, but I was convinced by the people around me that I should give it a chance. So I did.
I did not anticipate what came next.
After a year in a managerial position, I am literally dragging myself to work every morning.
Nothing stinks worse than corporate culture.
I was a well-dressed modern-day slave, required to wear a multifaceted mask to make people of power happy without compromising on my ill-defined, wide-spectrum job.
Understaffed with barely-sufficient resources but I am expected to deliver top-notch performances.
Constant pinging of Whatsapp messages, even on Sundays and public holidays.
The stress starts to take its toll on my personal life and health.
Mood swings, outbursts, depression and more than usual sick leaves.
Now, I am getting to know that job seeking or a career change for someone in the same institution or field for a decade is not easy, especially when your shoulders are heavy with commitments.
Numerous job applications and interviews later, here I am, still sitting helplessly at my desk, listening to my bleeding soul.
I wish I had the technologies we have today.
The world is a smaller place now, people united more than ever.
Stories are shared for the betterment of others. The greed and malicious agenda of governments and corporate companies being laid bare for all to see.
The knowledge and exposure from social media, video streaming channels, documentaries, blogs, I believe, would have helped to choose a better path of life.
At least, I wish someone had given me a word of advice, at the correct time.
So my dear humans, open up your mind, listen to yourself, do what you love, and find your inner peace.
Nothing compares to a simple, happy, mentally & physically healthy life.
And think twice before you sign that job offer or promotion letter because I have learned the hard way that title and power do not guarantee happiness.
For more stories about changing your career, read: What to Expect When You Go Through a Career Change and 4 Career Lies We Need to Stop Believing Right Now.
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