Any romantic relationship is only as good as its first fight. Things may be all unicorns and rainbows in the beginning, but if you don’t survive your first big fight, then the relationship is as good as gone.
Contrary to popular belief, arguments aren’t bad for a relationship. They’re actually a sign that the relationship is healthy and going great. Here are some tips on how you can navigate your first fight to have a sustainable relationship:
1. Take Time Out
Stop screaming at each other for now. Both of you are in no frame of mind for a logical conversation, so its best if you both cease contact for a short while. As far as possible, avoid being in the same physical space. This will give you both time to calm down and reflect on things without anger clouding your judgement.
Try having a conversation only when both of you are emotionally stable. This may take a few hours, few days or even a few weeks for some. Don’t rush it. You’ll find that you can work things out better with a clear head.
2. Don’t Push Your Partner into a Corner
Threatening your other half is probably the worst direction you can take. If things don’t go your way, don’t threaten to harm yourself or destroy their belongings. In short, don’t force them to say or do things they don’t really mean. Step back, give them space and let things happen.
In the first years of my own relationship I used to panic whenever my boyfriend (now hubby) used to storm off whenever we argued. In panic mode I would call him repeatedly, getting more and more frantic with each call. Finally, I’d say things like “If you don’t come home now, I’ll hurl myself out the window.”
Looking back now, that was just a bad decision.
3. No Need For Drama Kings and Queens
When a fight happens, your self esteem takes a hit. You may be tempted to gather your entire posse and rant about your other half. You may want to bring the argument to social media too. However, you should try avoiding that. There’s no need to have a FaceBook ‘live’ when you argue.
Bringing your fight to the public sphere may gain you validation, but it will tear your partner’s reputation to bits, which you may truly regret doing if your relationship survives. I hated it when my hubby used to rant on FB after an argument, and told him about it. He stopped after I explained that the comments that supported him, hurt me in turn.
4. Get an Intermediary
If you find that you really can’t work things out alone, seek the help of a trusted, wiser, and more experienced person. Keep it to only one or two people at most and get someone who doesn’t take sides easily. Minimizing interference in your relationship keeps it intimate and real. An intermediary will be able to provide a fresh perspective on the issues and problems you’re facing.
5. Accept Differences and Compromise
In every argument, neither you nor your partner would or should get everything you want. You’ll have to win some and lose some. This formula can help maintain the dynamics of your relationship for the long term. No one person should be winning the argument all the time.
These tips are here to help regular couples who argue. Keep in mind that they do not cover abusive relationships where one person is dominant and another is always forced into submission by violence. If you’re being abused in your relationship, seek help from the proper channels.
For more articles about Dating & Relationships, read 5 Mistakes I Made When I Told My Best Friend That Her Husband Was Cheating on Her, and I Went Wild on Erotic Audios and Here’s How It Honestly Went Down.