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I strongly believe that my first love experience is little bit cliche, little bit dramatic and most part of it, I can say it was so boring, lame and dull. Sorry not sorry to whom it may concern.
It was your typical teenagers love story, boy meets girl, becomes friends with the girl and after that, tries his luck to be more than friends with the girl, how lame. Frankly speaking up until today I don’t even know what status we had at that particular stage of so-called love relationship.
We started as friends, primary school friends to be exact. Me being dominant since young made him fancied me even during our younger days or thats what he claimed, but I didn’t feel like believing his words.
Moving forward, our friendship eventually stopped for a while when we both moved to a different boarding school but surprisingly in the same region, what a small world we have. For a period of time, we stopped talking to each other, focused on studies, growing up etc. but who knew we would end up meeting each other again during school activities.
At that particular moment, I know I should’ve stop being friends with him after realising both of us are on different paths when it comes to popularity, insecurity and being rebellious, I didn’t feel like we belong on the same world anymore, he was a ‘somebody’ and I was at a ‘nobody’ level so we didn’t match at all.
We started being strangers and focusing to our life because at that time, there was so many other matters to focus on and explore than your puppy love with a head boy and a rugby captain.
Then came the emotional phases of a teenager, during post-SPM, that’s where the replay button took place. We started talking again and so much happiness came in a short span of time and from this so-called thing we had, I learn that we indeed have a reason to like someone, be it because of love, because of compatibility, because of respect, because of appearance etc. but at that time I didn’t realised that I liked him because I like the idea of him, not he himself.
During this phase, we clearly did not spell out our label about who we are to each other, eventually comes another degree of separation when he went to pursue his study to the southern region while I went to the north. We tried to keep in touch in which we barely can manage, I felt the effort from him but not that much effort from me, which made our so-called relationship become like sea water, we had tides both highs and lows.
To make things simple, I put barrier between us and request that he waits for me, and we’ll be together when the right time comes, how naive I was. When he was finishing his studies, he came and asked me about our relationship, but again, my answer still remains the same, he still needs to wait.
As time passed, we slowly became civil to each other with a little bit of flirting here and there. He eventually surprised me when he said that he has decided to move on. Being the civil friend that I was, I encouraged him, told him that if he can’t wait for me anymore, then don’t.
I admit I’m the one to be blamed here but well, at that time life was tough. I couldn’t even manage my own life let alone another person’s life. Knowing him, he would wanted us to tie the knot early and so on but that wasn’t what I wanted, so it’s only fair for me to let him go.
Few years afterwards I heard he found his soulmate, but I didn’t feel anything. I might’ve felt a little bit of pressure but If we’re being realistic, I don’t think we match enough to grow old together, at least that’s not how i imagined I meet my husband. I’m happy for him but I’m happy for myself too, for not making any rash decision at that time. Maybe if I’ve chosen him at that time my life would have a total different story, but right now my current life is wonderful.
All in all, I can say that my first love experience was not that bad. It did change my view on life and also gave me a wonderful experience, and part of it should be credited to him, even though up until today I still don’t understand why he feel the need to get married on so quick. It was quite a boring but weird first love experience but it was better than none right.
Thank you, next.
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