I Gave up My Life in Malaysia When My Husband Moved To Singapore, and Here’s Why It Sucks

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I admire you. Yes you. Cheers to those whose relationships are able to withstand the test of time and distance.

I never really was a believer in long distance relationships

In fact, I had this discussion with my boyfriend-now-husband regarding this topic. We both agreed, we’d rather break off the relationship should it come to that.

It is not that we thought we would cheat on each other. But rather, we knew we were the kind that needed to be there physically for each other.

I grew up having my dad working overseas most of the time. Do not get me wrong, my father is a wonderful father, that’s what made it painful everytime he had to leave for work. He would be gone for a span of a few months and only return for a week or two before he had to leave again.

My sisters and I were still young and missing out on our formative years was heartbreaking for both my dad and us. Thus I told myself, I would have a family where we would stick and grow together.

When I first got to know my husband, he was a simple man while I was just a simple girl. I disliked flowers and jewellery. Our ideal date was going out for a good meal and talking to each other.

We soon got married and were perfectly content with our lives, working and growing our family. We were both in a good place. We both had jobs that we liked, I was staying close to my family who could help with my daughter.

But there was a sudden change.

He decided that he wanted to move to Singapore to work

We argued. We debated. I asked, why the sudden need to move? He said it was a sudden dream of his to work there.

I listed both pros and cons of moving there, though I was definitely leaning towards the cons. I had everything I wanted here. A perfect job, wonderful colleagues, my family. So please understand my frustration when he said he wanted to uproot and leave everything and start afresh.

My daughter was only a year old when he was transferred to Singapore. She and I moved in with my parents. The arrangement was, he would fly back every fortnight, flying back on a Friday night or Saturday, and leaving on Sunday afternoon.

He wanted to only come back once a month but I insisted on the fortnightly arrangement. My daughter will at least not notice his absence that much, after all it is his own fault for wanting to move.

After about 8 months in, he asked us to move to Singapore with him. He had finally settled down, and had made the arrangements for us to go over. Again, we argued. I had to leave my job, my colleagues and family.

I chose him.

I chose him because I knew I wanted our family to be together even if it means giving up the job that I loved, and my colleagues whom I have come to love as a family.

I managed to get a transfer from my previous company to Singapore. His new job scope required so much more of his time. I struggled. I had to juggle my toddler, a new job and a new environment.

After 2 months in Singapore, I found out that I was carrying my second child. From a life surrounded by family and friends to just being alone, I broke down so many times. I had no one to rely on.

Yes, I blamed him.

Fast forward, with the current 2020 situation, I was heavily pregnant and had to be quarantined with my toddler for two weeks. I begged my husband that I wanted to return to deliver. I knew I could not handle a newborn and my toddler alone. After a terrible two weeks of quarantine, I was finally back with my family.

He returned just in time to see his new child

With the borders closed, we stayed here for longer than we expected. Not that I am complaining, but now he has to return to Singapore to settle some work documentation and he will be stuck there for 3 months.

I am unable to return to Singapore with him as my company refuses to apply for my return. I have been on no pay leave since March. I am unsure whether I will still have my job as my industry is one of the hardest hit due to the situation.

Once again, our family is separated. I am hoping that this will all end. I just want our family to be together.

Only time will tell.

For more stories like this, read: Here Are a Few Malaysians Currently in Long-Distance Relationships. This Is Their Advice and 4 Older Malaysian Couples Share Their Secrets To A Long-lasting Marriage.

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