How Being Friend-zoned Changed My Perspective

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The first time I saw his face was on my friend’s Instagram account, I was like wow, who is this dude? I proceed to ask my friend this one question that needs to be answered; ‘Is he single?” “Yes”. My heart was beating so hard to the sound of excitement yet curious. How is a guy as handsome as he is, single? From my experience, most if not all good looking guys are either taken or just a fuckboy, there’s no in between.

I just left it as it is because I didn’t want to put any hopes nor find anyone at that time. I just wanted to be friends with someone before taking on to the next step. As time goes by, the moment came for me to meet with him as my friends that I was hanging out earlier so happened to be seeing him.

To be honest, I wasn’t nervous because I told myself whatever it is, we are going to meet in a bar, he might be grinding with some girls or probably be arrogant with me. Considering I don’t have that stunning looking face or body that all guys kneel down and worship to.

There he was standing at the entrance of the bar waiting to bring us in. I was actually alright. Didn’t feel nervous but more of a excitement because I get to be friends with him. And nah, he wasn’t as good looking in the picture, whoops! but still very handsome.

He greeted two of my friends first with a hug but since I just met him for the first time, I went in for a shake of the hands but before I could do that, he offered me a hug. Stunned, I hugged him back and I just brush it off thinking perhaps he is friendly and perhaps tipsy. As we went to his table, I was having a good time talking to him and his friends. Of course, I couldn’t let it go and had to tell him how handsome he was. He blushed and pat my head. Gosh, then my heart raced because of his smile. DAMMIT!

I still wasn’t hoping for anything with him. I sincerely just wanted to get to know him and just be friends for now. I can’t go through another heartbreak just because I jumped into something that might force someone else’s stand in their life.

As the days passed, I slowly got to know more about him and the more I knew, I freaked because of the amazing chemistry and 95% similarities that we have.

I remember there’s this one fashion show party that only I invited him to. THE BEST PARTY/COMPANY EVER! I realised he’s such an adaptable guy, loves to hang out with me, laughs at my jokes and just totally a fun dude. I think at the point is where my attraction started towards him.

I even brought him to his first stand up comedy, have dinner with just the both of us and honestly loving each other’s stories. He would randomly reply back to my Insta story and obviously, I knew he was simply doing that just to talk to me because when we start talking, God knows when it will end.

That’s how long we can talk. We have the same interest in music, food, sports, and the best of them all, movies. Gosh, we can talk for hours about the movies we watch and analyse them. I find that very nice to be able to dissect and talk about a similar interest with someone that’s so fun, and humble. Best of all, he such an amazing listener! Where can you find anyone like that anymore? I can tell you that I’m an excellent listener too but sometimes the listener wants to be listened as well. That’s what he gives me.

Somehow, it all seems too good to be true.

Turns out I was right. He was still a very good friend with his ex-girlfriend who’ve been together for about 4 years and just recently broke up. That’s a red flag there isn’t? Somehow, I can’t let it get to my head because I respect his decision to stay friends with his ex and I’m just his friend. Period.

I didn’t let it bother me too much but just to continue getting to know him better. Of course, my circle of friends knew the chemistry between us and start teasing us although I hate that. It makes me feel awkward at the end of the day, that’s all. His brother even asked me why aren’t I dating him, I just said indirectly “your brother is amazing and all but I think he needs time to just figure out himself”. Brother obviously took the indirect message and told him that I liked him.

That’s where the story gets sadder.

The following two days, he started getting very distant with me and texting me with a one-word answer. That’s where I knew, fuck, I’m about to lose a good friend in my life. One day, he texted me saying he wanted to meet and talk about us. For sure, I knew he was going to friendzone me. So, I cried and got myself prepared for the worse to meet with him later.

The time came and we sat down. He started with small talks just to ease the situation.

Then he proceeded by saying he sucks at this “talk” and told me how he wanted to not be in a serious and committed relationship for now. He even said, “I’ll be very sad if I lose you as a friend because we have a lot of things in common”. I stopped him right there and told him we don’t to be awkward because I understand the situation where he is coming from and I don’t want to lose him as a friend too.

As we talked and solve our shit together, I felt good and somehow I don’t feel sad UNTIL the next day where it has sunk in that I just got friend-zoned by a man that I know I can’t get the opportunity to find and a person whom I really see a relationship with.

He always made me felt like my stories are the most important thing that’s going on and were always there for me. The quote “one day you will find a man who makes you realise why the other guys in your past never worked out”, I never really believed in that until he walked along. So, there was a lot of sadness and anger in me because of how oblivious he is that the girl for him probably is just me. I guess I understand where he is coming from.

So we remain friends, closer actually. Of course, I still was trying to forget him that time. We even talk to each other about the person that we’re going out with and who I like. It’s all totally cool until one fine day, that changed my perspective on friendship and fucked up my 2018.

This is where the story gets worse.

It’s January 2018, there was a birthday party for him in a house. So, our friends were all there including one of my childhood, closest lady friend. My close friend knew how much I liked him and how I wanted to forget him at that point. Honestly, I told myself that I wanted to make this day the last day that I’m going to be hanging so much with him because let’s be honest, I have to let go of my feelings and just do my thing.

Anyways, coming back to the story, everyone was having fun and dancing including myself. After I went out to get some fresh air, I came back into the house, sat at the corner of the room and when I looked up to the dance floor, my insecurities started clouding in and my heart could break any second.

I saw my close friend and him being all touchy with each other while dancing. What I could feel at that moment was a glass being on the edge of a table and if anyone happens to move it, it might just shatter into millions of pieces. That’s how my heart at that time.

My friend who saw I was upset kept an eye out for me in case they kissed each other because if they do, you can only see my bruise eyes next day from crying so much.

Fortunately, according to my friend, she didn’t see them kissing. I bat an eye and just brush it off. Unfortunately, two weeks later, he texted me saying that they actually kissed and he was sorry for all the things he did and was actually trying to go for her. Oh, you have no idea how hurt, sad and in disbelief of the whole thing that happened. I was so f**king hurt how my friend just betrayed me and the guy I like, likes my close friend more. You would think all that similarity and chemistry would go through his head but no, he just scraps it all off and end up pursuing a girl he has nothing in common with and has the body and a pretty face.

Whatever happened to having a connection with someone or even obeying girl code?

My heart broke mainly from being betrayed by one of my closest friends. All I ever did was support, and be there in any matter as a friend and this is how I got respected. Funny isn’t it? The more kind, and good you are, the more people have their way in trying to step you down.

After speaking to him and solving all my issue with both of them, I have learned to forgive them and forgive myself in the process. I always believe that in order for you to love yourself, you need to forgive yourself no matter if you are the victim or not. Being the bigger person and walking away from things that don’t go well to me is something I’ve learned through this process.

Though I and my lady friend are somewhat in a good terms now (not as close as last time), me and him we are still close regardless of what happened. I am just very blessed to have him by my side to be there as a friend. No matter what, I’ve gained so much of self-respect for myself and feeling empowered by this experience is an understatement. I am happy with how things are with us because things happened for a reason but sometimes I can’t help but wonder what if I never met him? How different my life would be.

Sincerely,

The girl who got fooled and outfooled life

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