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1. The Not Knowing WTF Is Going On
You wake up and you feel like you just ran into a brick wall. You can’t understand why after hours of sleep, you still wake up miserable. Things you love become things you dread. Sometimes you cry for no reason, most of the time you just feel tired. And this messes you up so bad that you’re just screaming in your head like, “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU BRAIN?!”
2. The Meltdown
At some point, your head will feel like it’s going to explode. Of course, that’s physiologically impossible, so you implode. CUE THE MELTDOWN. Anger, tears, resentment, feeling lost – you start to feel the world closing in on you. You don’t really want to fight it so you just let it out, and sometimes this can be a good thing because it leads you to the next point.
3. The Cry For Help
After a few meltdowns, you might start to wonder if this is really PMS anymore. You may go to people you trust, or seek professional help or even try to deal with it on your own. Whichever way it is, know that you should be proud because YOU summoned enough courage to face it.
Note: However, the writer recommends to get a professional diagnosis so you know what you’re dealing with.
4. The This Is Some Serious Shit
You realise that this whole depression thing is much bigger than you thought. The cost per visit (RM300-400) to a psychiatrist or psychologist would probably make you even more depressed if it weren’t for the fact that it actually works. And your friends and family start to treat you differently (could be good or bad). But most of all, it becomes you, depression becomes your label.
5. The Where Do We Go From Here?
After some time, you will discover that you either love or hate the treatments. Medication may turn you into a zombie and therapy can seem repetitive. SO WHAT WILL BE YOUR DESTINY – LIFE OR DEATH? Just kidding. Do what empowers you most. Drop the meds/therapy if you don’t like it but replace it with something positive – like yoga, a diet change or volunteer work. At the probability of sounding corny, change really does starts from you.
Disclaimer: This is based on the writer’s own journey with depression, she believes that everyone goes through their own version. So, if you happen to feel different things, it does not mean whatever you’re going through is not your truth.