Here’s What Women Are Really Saying When We Ghost on Guys

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It’s been three days since she replied your WhatsApp message.

You sigh and wonder why won’t she reply? Was it something I said? Did I offend her?

You log in to your WhatsApp to re-read your messages for the millionth time.

“Hey, I had a great time last night.”

“Hope you’re having a good day. We should get together again this weekend.”

“I know you’re busy, but are you free to hang out this Saturday?”

“Hey, are you there?”

“Hello?”

… And then you notice she’s online right now. Your heart jumps in excitement. Will she finally say something?

There it is – the blue ticks. She’s read your messages! She’ll be saying yes anytime now…

Except, she doesn’t. Nothing happens. You continue staring at her status, and it switches back to ‘last seen’.

Wait what? Did she really ignore my messages?

Yeah, it hurts. It’s difficult when someone ghosts you out of the blue, especially if you really like that person.

Here you thought the weekend brunch or dinner date went well, but then she leaves you hanging the next day.

If you’re lucky, you’ll get a message telling you why it didn’t work out (“It’s not you, it’s me”), but most of the time, you’re left to ponder the situation on your own. Many guys end up lying in bed, wondering if it was something that they said or did.

I’ve been on the receiving end of various ghosting experiences, and I know how it feels. It’s embarrassing to just be served with blue ticks.

Being ghosted does hurt my pride and self-esteem. Honestly, it takes a lot of guts to text someone especially when you have feelings for them. So, I know what you’re going through.

Like every dating stories you’ve read and heard, there are always two sides of the story.

The next time you’re being ghosted by a woman you’re interested in, here are the honest truths on why we did it.

1. You turned us off

I’m not sure what the deal is with dick pics. Unless a woman asks for it (I won’t judge if you’re into it), please excuse the rest from the unwarranted dick pics.

Once, I was introduced to this seemingly nice guy at a friend’s party. From the geeky glasses to the occasional fun facts about Game of Thrones, he seemed like a decent guy to hang out with.

And we did. Just to get to know each other, we went out a couple of times as friends. After our third movie date, I was greeted with a goodnight message in the form of an “I Miss You”.

…paired with a dick pic.

Oh my god. Are you kidding me?

That turned me off so much that I stopped texting him. Despite his repeated apologies and promises that he would never do it again, it was difficult to get over the shock and disgust. I just couldn’t bring myself to text him again.

Here’s my point: If you were ghosted by a woman you like, it might not be something you said, but it could be something you did. Think hard about what went down, and have the courage to admit to yourself if you did something wrong.

2. You’re moving too fast

Sharing pictures about your last banana leaf session in Bangsar, the hiking trip at Mount Bromo, or fluffy Samoyed dog are fine. However, it wasn’t the case with this guy.

On a fine Saturday morning, my friend’s colleague invited her out for a coffee date. She agreed, and they chatted away at Antipodean for two hours. The chemistry felt good. She found him funny and adorably dorky. She thought his dimples were cute too.

While he was showing travel pictures on his smartphone, he landed on a snapshot of him and his mother.

“You have no idea the kind of daughter-in-law she wants,” he said, out of the blue.

Then, he proceeded to share his mother’s criteria of her dream daughter-in-law. These included being excellent with doing house chores, cooking Szechuan food, and shopping for groceries.

“… And she hates a woman who drinks and smokes,” he continued, before suggesting that my friend meet his mother the following weekend.

Slightly terrified by his admission, my friend sensed that he was desperate to be in a relationship and moved way too fast.

When he texted her the following day, she couldn’t bring herself to say that he freaked her out.

Just to be clear, it’s not wrong for someone to allow their mother to influence their choice for a future spouse. Except in this case, the idea of meeting his mother after a first date scared my friend.

All she wanted was to get to know him better, not sealing their future together.

How did she tell him without hurting his feelings?

You guessed it – she ghosted him.

3. You’re texting too much

It’s safe to say that everyone has experienced it at least once, if not a few times.

Unless you’re very close to this person, in a flirtatious relationship, or in a heated WhatsApp argument with your partner, text spamming reeks desperation.

At some point in your life, you may have experienced this endless trail of texts from someone you’re not into.

“How’s your day going? What are you doing?”

“Hmm, you must busy. Remember to have lunch!”

“You must be really busy. Text me back when you’re free”

“Hmm, why so quiet? Why are you not answering my calls?”

“Wow. You’re really using me, huh?”

“Seriously, you’re not going to reply me?

“Hello?”

And we all know how these text conversations end.

I understand that continuous texts stem from the excitement and curiosity of meeting someone new. We’ve all felt that way towards someone we like. If we could, we would text them day and night! After all, receiving their text is enough to put a smile on our faces.

Here’s the thing though – if someone is interested in you, they would definitely text you back. There aren’t many things which can stop two people who are attracted to each other, I guarantee you that.

No one waits three days to respond towards someone they like. If they’re genuinely into you, they would reply your text or call almost immediately.

If a woman doesn’t reply you after a while, it’s best to channel your energy towards someone else. Assume that she’s not interested (unless she tells you she was lost at sea).

If she’s ghosting you, move on.

4. You’re ready, but we’re not

In this case, it’s not your fault.

Despite how amazing the date went, there are various reasons why women are not ready to take the next step.

She might find herself in a busy stage in her career. She might be interested in someone else. She might second-guess her decision to date immediately after her previous relationship ended.

My recent ghosting experience happened because I wasn’t ready to commit to a new relationship after a bad breakup. Call it a cold feet moment, but I wasn’t in the right headspace to be with someone new in my life.

I know it’s a lot easier to tell the guy I ghosted right away, but confrontations are not my thing. I also felt that being honest about my real feelings would hurt him because he was a really nice guy.

Instead of being truthful, I stopped texting him after several weeks of chatting and hang-outs. While I do feel very guilty about it, he figured it out eventually, and we moved on to our separate ways. We haven’t texted each other since.

Ghosting on others is hurtful and confusing to the other party. Just when you think that everything went well, you’re met with a long silence and can’t figure out why.

Why won’t she text me back? Why is she ignoring me? What the hell happened?

While ghosting feels unfair, there are many reasons which drive women (and everyone else) to resort to the selfish act of ghosting.

Sometimes, we have solid reasons for ghosting you, like the time you turned us off with an unwarranted dick pic or with a rude remark. Other times, you might be moving too fast or texting too much. There’s also a chance that we might not be ready to pursue the next dating or relationship stage with you.

Whatever your opinions on ghosting, the best way to deal with it is to move forward.

It may be tough to move on once you’re emotionally invested in that person, but trust me – there’s nothing else you can do. It will hurt even more to keep checking and see that your messages were read but not replied.

Remember – it’s not the end of the world if you’re being ghosted by someone you like.

There’s someone out there who would do anything to spend time with you. And she’ll reply your texts as soon as you hit ‘send’.

Have you been ghosted before? What was it like? Tell us in the comments below!

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After being raised on a steady diet of chic flicks and Mum's spaghetti, I've decided to do the things I love most. So I bade farewell to my desk job, moved back in with my parents, and started my freelancing career. You can either wish me luck or read how I'm coping with taxes and annoying aunties on In Real Life.
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