You Broke My Heart, But I Still Missed You

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It was like any usual morning. It was cold and dark, just the right temperature to sleep in. It was about to dawn. I was awaken by the coldness of the morning. The coldness pierced through my bones. I was grumbling why i didn’t bring enough blankets to keep myself warm. Maybe I could ask from the organiser later, but for now, I’ll make due of whatever I can.

I heard you moving, adjusting your position, probably due to the chillness of the morning dew. Maybe you were tired, or disturbed by the sound of me snoring. I continued to sleep, not knowing that in a few minutes, I was about to lost you and a part of me forever.

Moments passed by, in a blink of an eye. The next thing I knew, I lost you in a way I would never imagine to ever happened. Maybe because I always imagined you, getting married, having kids, grow old to see you grandchildren, and there’s me, the funny lady your kids called “cool” aunty.

That morning, I was dumbfounded. A minute ago, you were next to me, and then you were not. I shouted for help, waiting by the doorsteps, hoping you would appear or running, away from the mess. But, you didn’t show up. You never show up.

That moment, my heart broke. When you left, you took a part of me away. It destroyed me the moment I knew you left me, without so much of a squeak. How could you do this to me?

That morning, I lost my best friend, my drinking buddy, my partner in crime. She left, taking everything with her.

I cried my eyes out. I stopped crying for a while. Then I cried again. It continued that way till I ran out of tears. The promises you made; to finish this project together, to hit on guys together, to travel the world together. You didn’t keep any of your promises.

There’s a cute guy in our new class. I wished you cute see him and see how I humiliated myself in front of him. I wished I could tell you how mad I was when our friend made me wait for an hour long only to have dinner at 10 p.m.

That morning at 5.20 a.m., my heart was broken into pieces that I no longer wish to mend. I still missed you every now and then. I missed you CJ.

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