How Loving My Ex Is Easier Than Hating Him.

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I really thought he was The One.

Until that day we ended our relationship, when he told me that he still loved me, but he could not overcome the feeling of uncertainty in his heart.

I went through two terrible weeks that I wouldn’t want to recall now. After calming down, I decided that we could start over again. I will make us start over again. Because love is choosing him over and over again, isn’t it?

Only to find out that he had actually gotten himself a new partner within a month of our break-up.

His “true love”, the “one” he really wants — he said.

We ended the conversation with my blessings. Till now, I still wonder how I managed to do that. I guess at that point of time, I was too occupied with being happy for him for finding his The One, ignoring the tingling feeling in my heart.

No words could describe the sadness and pain I felt that day.

I could not understand how he could change his love for me, the love that I have never doubted before, so fast. I even felt that I was such a joke to him.

Well, if both of them are feeling true love, I am just the hindrance in-between. His words on the day of the break-up seemed like a joke too.

I tried to hate him, to imagine him as a terrible guy who could change his love this fast. I thought hating him would make me better.

But eventually I realized, deep down my heart, I just couldn’t do that.

No matter how many times I reminded myself how he hurt me, I could never forget the love he once showered me with, and the warmth in his personality which made me fell for him in the first place.

Trying to hate him made me feel worse than I imagined it to be.

What now? I asked myself.

Do you really love him? Yes.

And at that moment, I decided to accept the fact that I still love him, and this love of mine, required me to respect his decision. If that is what he wants, that is what I want too, I told myself.

Sounds weird, but this thought worked amazingly for me.

Because of my love for him, I am able to accept his choice and move on with it.

Because of my love for him, I stopped doubting how genuine our past was.

And because I love him, I realized that I need to love myself more.

I still love him, and I really do miss his embrace.

But I know that I need to be brave in distancing myself from what affects me emotionally. Healing is a never-ending process, with all the ups and downs. But I know that I am definitely on the way, and I am getting to like who I am becoming.

Hey, to you, sorry but not sorry for deleting all your social accounts even though you said you would like to remain friends with me. I wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart, but I don’t want you in my life anymore.

Hey, to everyone who is suffering from a heartbreak, who think you can never get through it, trust me, you can.

Let your emotions flow, and believe that no matter how hurt you are feeling right now, everything will get better.

You will be better, and you will like yourself more after what you have overcome.

You have the power to choose, to give yourself another chance.

Make your decision, and be brave to execute the decision throughout.

I’ve been there, and I’m still doing that.

For more stories like this, read: I Knew It Couldn’t Work. But I Let Myself Fall Anyway and I Was In A Situationship – Why I Stayed Till The End.

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