Recently I was out having dinner at a mamak, and beside me were a group of boys. They were laughing and generally having a good time. Suddenly, one of the boys’ phone rings. Immediately the group turns silent. One guy speaks out, “Wah bro her again ah? Tell her that you’re just chilling in the mamak with us lah.”
The boy answering his phone hastily speaks to the person on the other end. When he ends the call, his friends loudly scold him about how his partner is too clingy, and that he should ask for space.
Sadly, this scenario happens to many of us. There’s a fine line between love and possession. Go over that line, and you’re officially dealing with someone who’s clingy. If you’ve been called a clingy person, then read on because this article is for you!
I’ve seen many people who are clingy with their partners. When confronted about it, their initial reaction is to be defensive. I get it – it’s human nature to not like hearing our own faults, and as the saying goes, truth is a bitch. But if a friend or partner told you that you’re clingy, it’s true 90 percent of the time. So, how do you deal with this fact?
Firstly, take a step back and evaluate. Have you been a clingy partner, or have you been unfairly judged? If you’re sceptical about the matter, then it’s best to ask for a second opinion. Talk to people who you know will give you unbiased feedback. This allows you to make a rational judgement.
But just to help you visualise, here are two scenarios based on personal experience to illustrate the meaning of clingy.
Scenario One: A friend of mine doesn’t let her boyfriend go out with his friends without her, because she claims that his friends are a bad influence. God forbid that he should get sucked into drinking and having an accidental one-night stand with a random girl. Clingy? Yes.
Scenario Two: I once went to an all-girls birthday party, and one of the girls did nothing but text her boyfriend and call him every 15 minutes. At one point, she even FaceTime’d him. To her credit, he did sound like he missed her. Still Clingy? Yes.
Got a rough idea? Okay so back to the tips! Once you have gotten feedback, don’t be an Askhole.
Take your feedback constructively, and don’t revert to your previous ways. Trust the advice from people who are looking out for you and accept it. Don’t let fear and insecurity stop you from listening to constructive advice. Sometimes, it just takes a little courage to bring about changes in your relationship.
People who are clingy should also seriously evaluate themselves. Ask yourself, why are you a clingy? Perhaps it’s the fear or losing your partner to someone, or the fear of being alone and single, or maybe you’ve had a bad experience with a past lover.
Whatever the case is, don’t let your history affect your current relationship. If you have been cheated on in the past, trust that you have chosen someone who is better than you ex. Because the truth is, being clingy will cause a rift in your relationship, and you’ll end up losing your partner anyway. Wouldn’t it be better to give each other space?
Lastly, force yourself to engage in activities which doesn’t include your partner. Call your girlfriends for that long-awaited brunch and be fully present when you are with them. This means no calls and minimize the texting with your partner when you’re out with others. It’s always good to widen your social circle, even when you’re not single. It’s one of the best ways to carve your own identity outside of your relationship.
With my partner and I, our philosophy is simple: We love each other, but we also give each other space. Because there really isn’t any point on building a relationship riddled with paranoia. So, we let each other be our own individual, and trust that we will never stray too far apart.
In short, a clingy partner is not only suffocating, its exhausting to deal with. So let’s not be that person. The best kind of relationships are those that are built on trust. If you’ve been called clingy, fear not because you’re a catch and there’s no reason for one guy or girl to rule your world.
Have you had a clingy experience before? Comment down below!