5 Ways Guys Are Approaching Tinder Wrong (And How They Can Be Better)

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It’s 3pm, and you’re going through carbo coma. Not really in the mood for work, you open Tinder. You swipe left and right, until you come across a profile which catches your eye.

Farhah. Her pictures are of her doing handstands in her activewear, and sipping a coconut in a two-piece by the beach. Her description reads – “Looking for someone who can teach me how to backflip.” Damn, sexy and original. Definite right-swipe.

The screen turns dark, and your profile photos align – it’s a match! Holy shit! What do you do? What do you say? Well, choose your words carefully, and whatever you do…

Don’t open with just “Hi”

Guys, I can’t stress this enough – don’t open with just those two letters. At best, you’re off to a meaningless start to the conversation, and at worst, she thinks you’re lazy and boring. First impression matters, especially on tinder.

Girls are way choosier than guys on dating apps because they match more often. Tinder doesn’t release their match statistics, but some but some researchers believe women are three times as likely to get a match than guys .

Chances are, Farhah has been getting the generic ‘hi’ from guys all month, and you’ve just been put on her never-gonna-do list.

Boom. Match wasted.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

Don’t be lazy – read through her profile. Maybe open with “Hi, I’m <name> and recently won the world title in backflips”, or use a witty pickup line with her name. The point is, you want to intrigue her and give her the chance to continue the conversation, not bore the shit out of her.

Speaking of awkward pauses,

Don’t open with a sexual proposition either

“Hey bby you want sum fuk” is not a sexy opener. Neither is an unsolicited picture of your dick.

We’re not saying women aren’t as sexual or as horny as guys, but women get sexually harassed on a daily basis.

Whether its dealing with an upskirt secret camera , or having men ask “Can I hisap you?” on a public train , or even being laughed off by the police when reporting a man publicly masturbating to her , women deal with harassment. A lot. They’re sick of that shit.

So, when you open with a sexual line, you’re telling her that you don’t respect her boundaries and that you’re just the same with all the other creeps in her life. Dropped.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

It’s okay to be on tinder looking for a hookup (hey, we don’t judge). Just don’t assume every woman there is looking for the same thing. Broach the subject – carefully.

Ask questions like “What’re you looking for on tinder?” and try to build some sexual tension. If she responds, great, you’re on the right track. If not, head back to the drawing board and try again.

Whatever you do, don’t just send her an unsolicited dick pic. No stranger wants to see your dick right off the bat. Ever.

Don’t lie on your tinder profile

This applies to both sexes – don’t put old photos if you look different from it, don’t say you’re single if you’re married with two kids, and definitely don’t put pictures of Brazilian football players pretending to be them.

Nothing’s more awkward than for your date to sit through the date pretending you didn’t just… you know, LIED TO THEIR FACE. You can be sure to get ghosted as soon as she gets home.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

Be yourself. I mean, hey, you’re not perfect, but then again, no one is. We’re all a work-in-progress. It’ll probably mean you get fewer tinder matches, but at least you’ll get a real shot with the next match.

Also, when you’re honest with yourself, you start to like yourself more, and loving yourself is always sexy. Period.

Don’t insult your matches

Wow, really? This is a thing?

I don’t even – why, guys? Are you trying to cultivate Stockholm syndrome?

One of our readers reported that one of her Tinder matches told her “you look like a boy” – we’re still trying to understand how that part fits into his grand scheme of dating her.

Bottom line is, don’t do that. Just don’t be an asshole.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

Don’t insult them, and don’t put them on a pedestal either – just treat them like a regular human being. Get to know them. Ask genuine questions, find out what they like, what they don’t like, and try to see if it matches with yours. Build a rapport with her. That’s how you develop chemistry and eventually, a relationship.

Don’t write a novel

Are you that guy? You know, the guy who writes long walls of texts to your matches? If you are, stop.

Look, Tinder isn’t email. There’s a reason why they have a character cap on the bio description – it’s because it’s supposed to be a casual introduction, not a C.V.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who talks a lot, and doesn’t seem to know when to stop? It’s the same thing with Tinder. Long walls of text are a pain in the ass to read, not to mention one-sided.

Tinder is supposed to be back and forth, just like a real date. Chemistry happens when you bounce off each other’s feelings and opinions, not when she’s trying to finish your memoirs.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

As a general rule, send a reply for each message she sends. Mirror her responses – if she sends a long reply, send a long one. If she sends short replies, you send short replies too.

Basically, you just don’t want to overwhelm her or seem more invested in the conversation than she is. If she’s sending you short messages, it probably means she’s uninterested – and you shouldn’t be either.

Did these tips work for you? What was your worst Tinder match? Tell us below!

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Khairie Apirin
Hi, I'm Khairie, the editor. When I'm not writing, I'm at the gym, or trying to adult (unsuccessfully). I love a good story though, hence this site. If you've got a story you'd like to share, come - tell me. I'd love to hear about it.
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